


All in a Whisper

by deathmarkedlove_archivist



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-29
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 10:21:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 29,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11228967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathmarkedlove_archivist/pseuds/deathmarkedlove_archivist
Summary: Spike helps Buffy cope with her newfound life, while she's being stalked by mysterious predators and trying to fight her feelings for him at the same time. But will she be able to open her heart to him before it's too late? Post Afterlife. NC-17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Hils, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Death-Marked Love](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Death-Marked_Love). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [the Death-Marked Love collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/deathmarkedlove/profile).
> 
> Title: All in a Whisper
> 
> Author: Sweetie (aka Babygirl)
> 
> *cough*loves feedback*cough*
> 
> Rating: NC-17
> 
> Summary: Spike helps Buffy cope with her newfound life, while she's being stalked by mysterious predators and trying to fight her feelings for him at the same time. But will she be able to open her heart to him before it's too late? Post Afterlife.
> 
> Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, etc. No copyright infringement is intended. So for the love of Spike, don't sue me!
> 
> Author's Note: Did I finally write something a little naughty? *shakes head sadly* Yes, this is my first attempt at smut - so be nice! Also, I'm thinking about a sequel. I sorta left some stuff unexplained, in case I decide to write one. Let me know what you think! :)

She was alone. Cold and bitter. Isolated, even as her friends sat just a few feet in front of her. They were talking - to her, most likely - but, she wasn't paying attention. They all thought they had done something so right by bringing her back. And she didn't want to lie to them - she really didn't. It was just - they were just so... Buffy sighed, as her gaze focused on the small picture of her mother, right above Willow's shoulder. A sad smile washed over her features and a sense of regret filled the emptiness in her heart. Then, suddenly, she felt crowded. Her friends' and sister's jumbled voices echoed in her ears, but her brain was unable to comprehend the words. She felt faint and a little short of breath. She needed some air.

 

"Um, Buffy?"

 

Buffy looked up at the sound of her name, but she wasn't sure who said it.

 

"Are - are you okay?"

 

She immediately recognized Willow's voice and a small pang of resentment coursed through her.

 

"Yeah, I'm... fine. I just, um... need some air is all," Buffy replied. She stood up and headed towards the front door.

 

"Do you want me to go with you?" Dawn piped in.

 

"No," she said, just a little too harshly. She watched as Dawn's face fell and decided to try again. "I mean... no, Dawnie. I - I just need to be alone... for now." She smiled at her sister sincerely and Dawn nodded.

 

It was hard for her to understand what Buffy was going though. She didn't even think she could if she tried. She had figured things were going to be alright again, after Buffy thanked the gang for bringing her back. She thought Buffy would get better. But things were still the same. _Buffy_ was still the same. Reserved, quiet and often quite depressed. Dawn supposed it was understandable. The girl did go through Hell and back - literally. She sighed sadly as Buffy disappeared out the door.

 

"Okay, something's still wrong," Xander said, as the door clicked closed.

 

"Xander!" Willow exclaimed, shifting uncomfortably on the couch. "She's fine. She just needs some more time and all. And - and she'll be fine." She looked down at her shoes, knowing that Buffy was a little less than fine.

 

"She was in Hell, Will. She was probably tortured and tormented for God knows how long, and to top it off, she had to claw herself out of her own grave. That's bound to have repercussions on her," Xander tried to reason.

 

"I know that! I mean, I just thought... well, you know. We were past this. She was... Buffy again."

 

"She is Buffy," Dawn corrected, slightly annoyed. "She'll always be Buffy. We just need to give her space. These things take time. And for all we know, she may never get over this."

 

Xander and Willow exchanged a worried glance.

 

"But it's still too soon," Dawn continued. "Please, guys. Give. Her. Time."

 

It was silent for a while, as the three just sat their, looking at the floor. Finally, Xander broke it.

 

"Well, Dawnster. Willow and I better go pick up Tara. She's at the Magic Box with Anya. Wanna come along?"

 

"Nah," she told him. "I want to be here if Buffy comes back any time soon."

 

He nodded and stood up, with Willow right behind him. Dawn led them to the door and said her good-byes.

 

* * *

 

Buffy walked through the sunlit cemetery, not quite sure of where she was headed. Okay, she knew where, but didn't really know why. Someone to talk to? Someone who understood? Someone... who knew?

 

Spike was the only one who knew the truth about her afterlife. He was kind of what she wanted to call her safe haven these days. He was the only one who could relate to what she was going through and didn't treat her like a piece of glass. Her friends meant well, but their hearts were in the wrong place. Spike understood her... she could be herself around him. She didn't have to explain why she was there or how she was feeling - he just knew. That's why she had opened up to him. She trusted him and enjoyed his company. He made her feel... content.

 

She slowly opened the door to his crypt, careful not to open it too wide for fear of the sunlight dusting him. She crept inside and looked around.

 

"Spike?" she called out.

 

When he was nowhere to be found, she decided to check the lower level. That's where he hung out most of the time. She carefully opened the small door and began to make her way down the unsturdy steps. When she reached bottom, she finally spotted him laying on his couch, with the TV set on. His eyes were closed. Buffy sighed, and figured she should leave him alone. It wasn't often that she visited him during the day, and had forgotten that this was when he slept. She turned around and started to climb back up the ladder.

 

"Leavin' so soon, love?"

 

Buffy turned around and saw he was now sitting up, looking at her.

 

"I thought you sleeping," she told him.

 

"Not really. Jus' restin' is all. Fancy some tele?" He gestured towards the TV.

 

She shook her head.

 

"I don't know why I stopped by, really. I guess I was kinda... lonely," she told him, approaching where he was sitting on the couch.

 

"Thought your mates were stoppin' by this mornin'."

 

Buffy looked down at her feet.

 

"They did," she said, sadly.

 

Spike studied her for a moment, as she sat down beside him. He wondered to himself if her friends could tell how unhappy she was. He could, obviously, but maybe that was because he could see things the others couldn't see. He knew things they didn't know.

 

"Are you ever goin' to tell them?" he asked her.

 

She glanced up at him, her eyes no longer filled with the vivacity and life he used to see.

 

"No," she said softly, but pointedly. She then looked back down at her lap. "I - I can't let them know. They would... feel guilty."

 

He nodded, assuring her that he understood. She took a deep breath and leaned back into the couch.

 

"I like the remodeling you've done, by the way," she told him, trying to change the subject.

 

"Yeah? Got the bed from your Watcher," he told her, pointing at the big four-post bed in the corner of his crypt. "Same with the couch." He patted it for emphasis.

 

A sad statement danced across her eyes.

 

"You miss 'im... don't you."

 

She nodded.

 

"Well, I'm sure 'e'll come back."

 

"Yeah, he said he might. But, just to visit. Then he's going back to England."

 

"Thought 'bout that myself, you know. Goin' to England, I mean."

 

"Why didn't you?"

 

He shrugged.

 

"The nibblet, mainly."

 

She looked up at him and suddenly realized she hadn't thanked him yet. Hadn't told him how grateful she was for looking after Dawn while she was gone. For keeping his promise. She cleared her throat.

 

"There's um... this thing. I - I should have told you before, but..."

 

He glanced up at her.

 

"Thank you," she told him.

 

He cocked his head to one side, the way that he did. As if trying to read inside her mind. Trying to desipher what she was telling him.

 

"What for?" he finally asked.

 

"Well, basically for everything. Keeping your promise to protect Dawn, helping my friends - even if they weren't grateful. Because I am. And also for... for saving me."

 

He stared at her for the longest time, not saying a word. He didn't expect any sort of thanks from her. He didn't think he deserved any. It was unreal. He swallowed hard before replying.

 

"You're welcome," he told her softly.

 

It was completely silent for a while, until she finally rose to her feet.

 

"Well, uh... I better go."

 

"Yeah," he said, also standing.

 

She pulled her gaze away from his, and began to walk away.

 

"Buffy," he called out to her. She stopped and turned around. "I know I said this before, but... if there's anything I can do -"

 

"- I'll be sure to let you know," she finished.

 

He nodded his head once and she smiled at him, before making her way back up the ladder. Spike never took his eyes from where she was, until the sound of the door closing, echoed through his crypt.

 

* * *

 

"I think it's a very bad idea. She's still too traumatized."

 

"Anya, that's why we're gonna do it. To... un-traumatize her," Willow explained.

 

"Are you sure, Will?" Xander asked. "A 'Welcome Home' party might be pushing it. She's only been back a week and -"

 

"What's wrong with you people? It's _exactly_ what Buffy needs. And it's not really a party... more like a social gathering. You know, to... to, uh..."

 

"To let her know how glad we are to have her back," Tara finished. The two witches smiled at each other.

 

Anya rolled her eyes. "Right, 'cause we all know how glad _she_ is to be back."

 

"She is glad," Willow replied, narrowing her eyes at Anya.

 

"Fine, whatever. Do what you like." Anya got up and headed towards the cash register.

 

Willow sighed. "So... are we all good with this?"

 

Suddenly, the door to the Magic Box swung open and Buffy walked inside. Everyone immediately tensed.

 

Buffy could sense the sudden change in atmosphere as she entered the shop. She noticed it the first night of her return. Spike had held her hands and had spoken gently to her and her friends had rushed over to her and bombarded her with questions. She silently wished she had stayed at Spike's a little longer.

 

"Hi, guys," she said, trying to act as if nothing was wrong.

 

"Hey, Buff," Xander replied. The others smiled at her.

 

"Where's Dawn?"

 

"Oh," Willow explained. "She's at home. We asked if she wanted to come with, but she said no. I think she's waiting for you."

 

"By - by herself?" Buffy asked.

 

Her friends all exchanged a glance.

 

"Yeah, she's fifteen now. Besides, the whole Glory thing is over with. She'll be fine," Willow told her.

 

Buffy frowned.

 

"I - I guess you're right." She approached the table and took a seat next to Xander. "So whatcha doing?"

 

"Oh!" Willow piped in. "Nothing at all. We - we were doing nothing."

 

Buffy raised an eyebrow at the witch, but shrugged.

 

"What about you?" Xander asked. "Feeling better?"

 

"Yeah," she said. "I just took a walk. You know, to relax. I've been a little on edge lately... in case you hadn't noticed."

 

"It's understandable, Buffy," Willow explained. "And speaking of, we were thinking about going to the Bronze tonight. Wanna come along?"

 

Buffy thought about it for a moment. Surprisingly, a night at the Bronze didn't sound like that bad of an idea. Maybe a social outing was what she needed, afterall. To get her mind of things.

 

"Count me in," she said.

 

Her friends smiled brightly, all prepared for her to turn down their offer.

 

"Great!" Willow replied. "We'll meet you there at eight."

 

* * *

 

Dawn watched, as her sister descended the stairs.

 

"Wow, Buffy. You look really nice."

 

"Thanks, Dawn. So do you," she said, smiling.

 

Buffy was wearing a navy blue, knee-lenth skirt with a powder blue tank top. She wore a small cross around her neck and her hair was curled at the ends and cascaded over her shoulders. For some reason, she was in a paticularly good mood that evening and was even surprised by the sudden change. Just this morning she wanted to die and now she was looking forward to spending time with her friends.

 

Dawn smiled, taking in the vibes of Buffy's pleasant mood. She was so glad that her sister was becoming more situated and getting back into the swing of things. It took her forever to convice Buffy that she was old enough to hang out with them at the Bronze, but when she finally gave in, she was estatic.

 

"Ready?" Dawn asked.

 

"Yep," she replied.

 

Buffy took Dawn's arm with a warm smile and they headed out the door.

 

 

When they arrived at the Bronze, Willow, Xander, Anya, and Tara were already gathered at the table, drinks in hand. They stood up and smiled when they noticed her and Dawn enter.

 

"I'm so glad you could make it," Willow told her, giving her a gentle hug.

 

"So am I," she replied, as she returned the embrace. Buffy sat down, with Dawn beside her. She studied the masses of people all dancing in sync with the loud music being blasted from the speakers. She felt the urge to cover her ears, but instead tried to concentrate on something else.

 

It wasn't long before things started to feel like old times. She talked and laughed with her firends and sister, avoiding the whole death issue, and caught up on everything that happened when she was gone. She listened to their stories, intrigued, but didn't do much of the talking. There really wasn't much to talk about without dampening the mood.

 

Soon, her friends got up and started dancing, leaving Buffy and Dawn alone at the table.

 

"Aren't you gonna dance?" Dawn asked her.

 

"I don't think so."

 

"How come? I'm sure there's lots of hotties here tonight that would love to dance with you."

 

Buffy chuckled a bit and took a sip of her Pepsi. She suddenly noticed a black-clad figure come into sight. She glanced up and saw Spike standing beside their table.

 

"Spike," she said. "What are you doing here?"

 

He shrugged.

 

"Stopped by your house, but no one was 'ome. Figured you might be 'ere," he replied, taking a seat next to Dawn.

 

"Hey, Spike. Wanna dance?" she asked him.

 

He smiled, but shook his head.

 

"Nah, but you go on ahead."

 

Dawn looked over at Buffy, as if asking for permission. Buffy smiled and nodded her head in the direction of the dance floor.

 

"Coolness," she said, her face lighting up. "Be back later." She jumped down from her chair and met the rest of the gang, who were dancing vigorously to the upbeat song.

 

Spike slid over a seat so he was now next to Buffy. She looked over at him and smiled.

 

"So," she said. "You stopped by my house? Is something up?"

 

"Just wanted to see if you were up for a patrol is all. With nothin' much but a tele in my crypt, I seem to get bored quite easily these days."

 

"Sorry to hear that. I don't really mind the quiet."

 

"So I thought. Then why are you here?"

 

Buffy sighed.

 

"I dunno. I guess quiet isn't always the best thing. Now that I'm alive again, I should probably make the most of it, you know?"

 

Spike still noticed the weary look in her eyes, despite her attempts to cover it up.

 

"Yeah," he told her.

 

Willow and Tara suddenly appeared at the table, out of breath and giggling over something.

 

"Spike. Hey," Willow said, taking a swig of her drink.

 

" 'ello, Red," he replied.

 

Tara sat down next to Buffy, and Willow gave her a look.

 

"Tara, what's with all the sitting? You're not tired, are you?"

 

"No, no, of course not," she said, almost gasping for air. "Well, maybe just a little. Mind if I sit this one out?"

 

"Sure, fine. It's all good. I guess I'll just go dance with myself. No biggie."

 

Tara frowned.

 

"Are you sure? If you really want me to -"

 

"Don't worry about it. I know Spike feels like dancing."

 

He looked up at the witch, who was giving him a hopeful look.

 

"I don't think so, Will. I'm not really up for -"

 

"Aw, c'mon," she told him, and proceeded to drag him from his chair by the arm.

 

Buffy frowned.

 

"Willow, I don't think he wants to," she said, a bit irritated.

 

Willow stopped, her hand still wrapped around his arm. Spike glanced over at Buffy and then back at the redhead.

 

"One dance won't 'urt."

 

Willow beamed and jogged over to the dance floor, Spike right behind her. Buffy and Tara both watched them go, a hurt look on their faces.

 

"Will's become quite the outgoing one, hasn't she?"

 

Tara looked over at Buffy and smiled.

 

"Yeah, pretty much. I think becoming such a powerful witch has really made her a lot stronger person. She kind of took charge... when you were gone."

 

Buffy looked down at the table.

 

"Oh, but I mean, I'm sure she'll back off now that you're here," Tara finished, awkwardly.

 

"Yeah," she replied.

 

"Well, um, I'm gonna go get another drink. Do you want anything?"

 

Buffy smiled and shook her head, as Tara disappeared into the crowds of people.

 

Buffy let her gaze wander over to Spike and Willow dancing. They were both laughing, as Willow hit him playfully on the shoulder. For some reason, the sight of them so comfortable with each other, made Buffy feel a little jealous. It's not like _she_ wanted to dance with Spike, it was just that everyone else was having such an awesome time, and she was sitting alone at the table like a loser. She sighed and put her head down. Coming here was probably a bad idea, afterall.

 

A few minutes later she felt a familiar presence and glanced up to see Spike standing over her. Buffy looked back at the dance floor and Willow was now dancing with Tara again.

 

"You, uh, want a ride 'ome or somethin'? You don't look so good."

 

Buffy shook her head.

 

"I'm fine," she told him, her voice void of any emotion.

 

Spike frowned and offered another suggestion.

 

"Want to dance?"

 

She considered his offer, but again shook her head.

 

"I - I think I just want to be alone." She then began to stand up and head for the door. She stopped at turned around before she left. "Can you make sure Dawn gets home alright?"

 

He nodded as she disappeared out the door.

 

* * *

 

Buffy walked down the street, her arms wrapped around herself. She thought about going to the cemetery to patrol, but decided against it. She was tired and her fighting accuracy would be off. She'd probably wind up getting herself killed. Then again, that didn't sound like such a bad idea right now.

 

Suddenly, the sound of a motorcyle made it's way to her ears. She turned around to see Spike coming towards her on the bike. Surprised by his new mode of transpertation, she walked over to him, as he came to a stop.

 

"Get on. I'll take you 'ome," he said.

 

She hesitated for a moment, but shrugged and approached the bike.

 

"Nice wheels," she told him. "Where did you get it?"

 

"One of those demon fellas that trashed the town a few weeks ago. Killed the bastard and kept the bike."

 

As Buffy was about to get on the motorcyle, she realized she was wearing a skirt. There was no way she was hiking it up to her waist and then getting on the bike with Spike.

 

Spike noticed her suddenly stop and gave her a questioning glance.

 

"You comin' or what?" he asked.

 

"I, um... no, I don't think so. I'm fine with walking," she said, and proceeded to turn around and walk away.

 

Spike sighed in annoyance and hopped off the bike. He ran over to her and turned her around to face him.

 

"What's wrong?" he asked her.

 

"Nothing, I just -"

 

"Just what?"

 

She looked up at him for a moment and then gestured to her skirt. He just stared at her dumbfounded, not really understanding.

 

"Um, skirt? Bike? Non-mixing things?"

 

Finally, realizing what she meant, he just rolled his eyes.

 

"I see the problem," he said, then reached down and ripped a big slit in the side of her skirt. "Not a problem anymore."

 

"Hey!" she exclaimed, majorly put out. "You better have 50 bucks on hand, because I'm so not paying for a new one.

 

He just grinned and walked back towards his bike. Buffy reluctantly followed. He hopped on and waited for Buffy to take her place behind him. She was still hesitant.

 

"Look, love. I don't bite... anymore."

 

"Right," she said, and approached the motorcycle. She threw her leg over the side and wrapped her arms around his waist.

 

Spike waited a moment before starting engine, just taking in the feel of her pressed up against him. He smiled to himself and then revved up the bike.

 

* * *

 

"Mind if we take the back way?" Spike shouted over the loud purr the engine made.

 

"I don't care," she answered.

 

They turned the corner and proceeded down a rundown looking alley. They drove for a while, until Buffy could see Rovello drive just up ahead. But, before they could make it to the familiar street, Buffy noticed a girl struggling with a vamp out of the corner of her eye. She sighed in frustration.

 

"Spike! Stop!"

 

He slammed on the brakes and Buffy jumped off the bike.

 

"What is it?" he asked her, a little worried.

 

"My job," she said, and jogged over to the scene of action. Spike followed close behind.

 

The vampire noticed Buffy and Spike approaching him and his dinner, and ducked behind a dumpster. The girl just stood there, too scared to move.

 

"Hey," Buffy said to her. "Decided to take a late-night stroll?"

 

The girl nodded, terrified.

 

"Neat," she replied and then paused. "Run."

 

Without thinking twice, the young girl dashed off into the night. Buffy put her hands on her hips and waited for the vamp to make itself known. He finally appeared out of the shadows and Buffy picked up a broken piece of wood that was lying in the middle of the alley.

 

"Looks like it's your lucky night," she told him, as she raised her weapon.

 

"Yeah," he replied, a sly smile spreading across his contorted face. "Can't say the same for you."

 

Buffy frowned, as four more vampire made their way into her view. She broke the piece of wood over her knee and tossed the other half to Spike. As he caught it, two vampires growled and charged at him. Buffy took on the others as they all attacked her at once. She pummeled their faces with her fists and flying kicks. Ducking, spinning, jumping, feeling a total rush of adreneline she hadn't felt for the longest time. It felt good. She saw Spike out of the corner of her eye, as he dusted one of them and began furiously punching the other. Her vampires were strong and one was paticularly tough, but still no match for her fierce blows and Slayer speed. One of the vamps was distracted for a brief moment and Buffy took advantage of the quick opening. He threw the others off and she got the upper hand. She dusted one and then the other until it was just one on one. Spike was still working on his, who was as equally as powerful as her vampire.

 

Buffy finally realized it was going to take more than kicks and punches to get rid of this one. She jumped up onto the dumpster and did a backflip directly on to the vampire. He toppled to the ground, as Buffy raised her weapon. Just as she was about to plunge the wood into his heart, he took his feet a shoved her off of him. She lay momentarily stunned on her back, as the vamp picked her up. Buffy kicked and flailed, trying to break loose from his threatening grasp, but he was just too strong. He spun her around once in the air and threw her against the wall with all his might. She crashed against the brick surface with a sickening thud, and fell to the ground with equal force. As she hit, she literally felt her hip bone shatter beneath her. She bit down hard on her bottem lip to keep herself from crying out. The vamp approached her slowly with a small smile suspended on his face. Just as the realization hit her that she was going to die - again - the vampire exploded into dust before her eyes. Spike now stood in front of her, a worried statement on his face.

 

"Are you okay, love?" he asked, reaching out his hand to help her stand.

 

She nodded and excepted his hand. He pulled her off the ground, and to Buffy's surprise, there wasn't too much pain.

 

"Come on, then. Let's get you 'ome."

 

They walked back to his motorcycle in silence and Spike hopped on. As Buffy attempted to lift her leg and situate herself on the bike, a gigantic tremor coursed through her, sending bolts of pain to every particle in her body. She put her leg back down, as her hip throbbed mercilessly.

 

"I - I'll walk," she told him, embarrassed.

 

Spike groaned and turned to her. She was looking down at her feet.

 

"What is it now, Slayer? And don't blame it on the bloody skirt, because -"

 

"It's not the skirt," she said, still unable to meet his eyes. "I just... I feel like walking is all." She then turned and began to walk away, a minor limp to her step.

 

"Damnit, Buffy!"

 

Spike got off the bicycle and stepped in front of her. She sighed.

 

"Spike, please. Just let me walk, okay?"

 

"No, tell me what it is. I thought we went through this already. Will it kill you to get on the bike with me? I mean, really, Slayer. Your damagin' my ego 'ere..."

 

She shook her head and stepped around him. He blocked her again.

 

"Is that what this is?" he asked her. "Still too disgusted to get close to me? Is that it? Christ, Buffy. I thought we were passed this. I mean -"

 

"That's not it! Damnit, Spike, just let me pass."

 

"No," he said, grabbing her by the shoulders. She struggled against him, trying to break loose.

 

"I mean it," she said threateningly. Tears were beginning to form behind her eyes.

 

Spike was beyond hurt. Why was she acting like this? He really thought things were different now.

 

"So do I," he said. "I spent the whole summer helpin' out your pals while you were gone. I looked after Dawn and mourned for you every night. And now suddenly you're -"

 

"I said that's not it! It has nothing to do with you, alright?" She didn't know why she didn't just tell him the truth. It would make things a whole lot easier. Now he thought that she hated him again... which might actually happen if he didn't just drop the subject.

 

"Oh, no, of course not," he said, sarcastically. "Why don't you just come out and say it? Make it a hell of a lot easier on me instead of watchin' you pretend that you actually enjoy my company."

 

Buffy had to laugh to herself, despite the tears that threatened to stream down her face. Why was he so damn impossible?

 

"God, Spike. You wanna know why I won't ride with you? Because I can't. Now let me go."

 

Spike chuckled.

 

"You can't? Since when did you become such a sodding prude?"

 

"Since you became such an arrogant asshole."

 

She tried to break free from his grasp, but he only held tighter. She noticed the hurt look in his eyes and almost felt bad for what she said. He assumed she wouldn't ride with him because the thought of him disgusted her. That so wasn't the case, but she really hadn't given him any reason to presume otherwise. She sighed and relaxed under his grip.

 

"I can't ride with you because I can't spread my legs."

 

The moment she said it, she clamped her eyes shut and put her head down, humiliated. Spike just stared at her, as guilt passed over him. She was right. He _was_ an asshole. He immediately let go of her.

 

"Buffy, I'm... I'm sorry. Love, I didn't know." He had no idea how badly she had been injured.

 

She just shook her head and took a step back.

 

"Forget it," she said and began to walk away again. Only now did Spike notice her slight limp. He closed his eyes and cursed himself for jumping to conclusions so quickly.

 

"Buffy... Buffy, wait up," he called after her. He followed her until they reached her street and she finally turned around.

 

"What do you want now?" she asked him, looking him in the eyes for the first time.

 

"I hurt you," he whispered.

 

She sighed.

 

"I said forget it. It doesn't matter."

 

This time Spike put his head down, ashamed.

 

"Is it your leg? Or - or your hip?" he asked.

 

She nodded.

 

"My hip. The bastard threw me against a wall and I smashed it when I came back down. It - it should be okay though. You know, with my Slayer healing powers and all. I might need to take a break from slayage for a couple of days, but other then that I should be fine."

 

"Do you need any help gettin' back?"

 

"Nah, it doesn't hurt so bad when I walk on it. It's mainly just when - when I... well, you know," she said, a hint of color rising to her cheeks. "And besides," she continued, trying to change the subject. "What about your bike?"

 

"Screw the bike. If you need my help, I'm 'appy to oblige."

 

He gave her a small smile and she shrugged her shoulders.

 

"If you insist," she replied, as if sounding exasperrated.

 

As they walked back to her house, he urged her to lean on him, to take the pressure off her hip. She did so, reluctantly.

 

"I meant to say this earlier, but... you look nice," he said, sincerely.

 

She smiled, taking in her torn skirt, dirt-covered tank top and ratty hair. He wasn't in any better condition though, with his typical black shirt that was now barely recognizable in it's ripped and muddy state.

 

"Thanks, although I can't say the same for you," she told him, playfully.

 

He pretended to act offended.

 

"Are you insultin' my taste in menswear, Slayer?"

 

"No, Spike, that outfit is insulting you. I'm merely making a mockery of it."

 

He laughed outloud, something she rarely heard him do. She smiled to herself and nestled closer to him, as they walked the rest of the way in a comfortable silence.

 

* * *

 

Dawn came flying down the stairs a few minutes after she walked in the door, flustered and beat red.

 

"Buffy!" she shouted to her sister, who was sitting on the couch, absently watching cartoons.

 

"What? Dawn, what is it?" she answered, now standing.

 

Dawn took a deep breath before proceeding.

 

"What the HELL is a naked Spike doing in our bathroom?!"

 

Buffy clamped a hand over her mouth, as realization struck her.

 

"Oh, my god, Dawn! Did you walk in on him?"

 

"Uh-huh!" she replied, mortified.

 

Buffy couldn't help but burst into giggles. She had forgotten to warn Dawn that Spike had stayed to take a shower.

 

"I - I'm sorry," she said, as her laughter finally faded. "I guess I forgot to tell you. Spike's taking a shower... he said he was covered in vamp dust and it was making him itchy."

 

"Forgot?!" Dawn exclaimed. "How could you forget something like that?! I walk in and was all, "Ahhh!" and he was like, "Bloody hell!" and I was all, "Ahhh!" and then he's like, "Shut the door!" It was horrifying! I'm scarred for life!"

 

Buffy barely heard a word, because she was laughing so hard.

 

"This isn't funny! Well, it kind of is... but, still! Hello, fifteen? I shouldn't be witnessing these things at such an early age!"

 

"Wait, how much did you see exactly?" Buffy asked, still smiling, but at the same time somewhat nervous.

 

"Well, not so much. I mean, I covered my eyes and all... and - and Spike reached for a towel right away, but I did catch a glimpse of his -"

 

"Whoa! Hey, maybe I don't want to know afterall. It's bad enough to hear about it, but to have mental images? That's just too much."

 

Dawn couldn't help but giggle. Suddenly, Spike appeared from down the stairs clad only in a towel.

 

"Spike!" Buffy exclaimed, gawking at his half-naked form. "First you've corrupted my sister, now you're intent on corrupting me?"

 

He sighed, remembering all too well his very close encounter with the littlest Summers.

 

"Love to, pet, but not why I came down 'ere. You by any chance happen to 'ave some extra clothes lyin' 'round?"

 

She gave him that look that clearly meant 'what planet are you from?'.

 

"You actually think that in a house consisting solely of estrogen, we would have box that says 'Clothes for when Spike comes over to take a shower'? Sorry, can't say that we do."

 

"Bloody 'ell, are you sure?"

 

Again with the look.

 

"Fine," he said. "Guess I'll jus' 'ave to wear this 'til one of you ninnies find me some decent clothin'."

 

Buffy's eyes grew wide, as he proceeded to make his way down the stairs and plop down onto the couch. His towel inched down a tad, making Buffy flush just a few shades of fucshia.

 

"Umm... you know what? On second thought, about that box..."

 

She then grabbed him by the arm and began to pull him off the couch. Dawn watched amusedly, as her flustered sister dragged a smug vampire up the stairs.

 

 

"God, you are such a pain in the ass," Buffy mumbled to herself as she dug through her closet for some Spike-appropriate clothes.

 

"Can't 'elp it," he replied, laying back on her bed, hands hehind his head.

 

"Will you please not do that?" she asked.

 

"Do what?"

 

"Lay on my bed. I do sleep there, in case you didn't know."

 

"So?"

 

She turned around to look at him.

 

"So, you're contaminating my sheets. Get up."

 

He rolled his eyes and finally sat up.

 

"Here," she said, tossing a t-shirt and boxer shorts at him. "Change. And don't go snooping around my room."

 

She left him there and shut the door, a small smile on her face. Her smile only grew bigger as she heard the words "Bloody hell!" echo through the house, as she made her way back down the stairs.

 

* * *

 

"There's no bloody way I'm comin' out of this room, Slayer," Spike called from the upper level.

 

"Yeah you are," she called back up, grinning from ear to ear. If she had ever given Spike a reason to kill her, this would definitely be it. She glanced over at an uninterested Dawn who was thumbing through one of her Teen magazines.

 

"No, no, I'm really not," she heard him reply.

 

Buffy sighed and tried to think of a way to make him come down. She was tempted to tell him that she was naked and willing to have lots of sex with him right that minute, figuring he'd be down in a flash, but she decided that Dawn had gone through enough trauma for one evening to witness anymore. She finally made up her mind and started screaming. Dawn jumped ten feet off the couch, watching as her sister suddenly broke out into blood-curdling screams.

 

"Spike! Help!" Buffy cried.

 

"Jesus, Buffy, what's wrong with you?!" a shaken Dawn asked.

 

Buffy placed a finger to her lips and continued to scream until she heard the sound of her bedroom door fly open and wild footsteps descend the stairs. Spike appeared at the base of the staircase, his face stricken with fear. Buffy almost felt bad for a moment, until the utter hysteria overpowered the guilt and she broke down into a fit of gut-wrenching giggles. Dawn quickly followed, until both girls were practically on the floor laughing.

 

Spike, realizing he'd been tricked, just stood there. He tried to be angry, but the sight of his Slayer and the nibblet obtaining so much joy from his humiliation, only made him laugh with them. And after a few minutes went by, he seemed to forget the fact that he was dressed in a pink t-shirt that read "I heart Boys" across the center and a pair of tight frilly shorts with images of rainbows and flowers scattered about them, and jumped on the couch between Buffy and Dawn.

 

"Honeys, I'm home," a voice suddenly called out from the front door. The three were unfortunately too involved in the laugh-fest to actually notice Xander and the rest of the gang barge into the house.

 

"My dear god, cover eyes all!" Xander shouted as he frantically pushed Anya, Willow, and Tara back onto the front porch, his eyes never leaving the frightful display on the couch.

 

"Xander, wh - what is it?" Willow asked, curiously trying to poke her head in through the door.

 

"It's nothing you should ever have to witness in your entire life," he replied.

 

"Are they having sex?" Anya asked, suddenly, very entertained.

 

Willow looked shocked and appalled.

 

"Buffy and Dawn?!" she asked, mortified.

 

Off everyone's disgusted looks, she refrained her question.

 

"Buffy and Spike. Are they having sex? You know, when two people like each other they -"

 

"Anya!" Xander exclaimed, cutting her off. "No. I never thought I'd say this, but it's worse. Everyone, I hate to break this horrifying news to you, but..."

 

They all stared at him, waiting for him to go on.

 

"Spike's a transvestite."

 

"What?" Willow asked, unconvinced. "Let me see." She finally pushed past Xander and her eyes grew wide.

 

"Oh, goddess... he's right," she said.

 

Finally, all four Scoobies squished their way through the door at once, to see a pink-clad Spike wrestling around with the Summer's women. With the slam of the door, all three heads popped up from the couch.

 

Spike, once again realizing what exactly he was wearing, toppled off the couch, searching frantically for a blanket of some sort. Buffy stood up abruptly, deciding that her ripped clothes and wild hair probably didn't give off the right impression. Dawn just sat up and smiled at the traumatized group.

 

"Hey, guys," Dawn said, happily.

 

Spike finally stood up, covered from head to toe in a purple lacy quilt, that probably didn't look much better, he decided.

 

" 'ello, all," he said.

 

Willow gave them a small smile and then looked over at Buffy, as if asking her 'what the hell is going on?' just with her eyes.

 

"Right," she replied to the silent question. "Um, Spike was just leaving." She glanced up at him. "Weren't you?"

 

"Wasn't plannin' on it."

 

"Yeah, you were," she told him, pushing him towards the door.

 

He just looked at her, with a somewhat hurt statement on his face. Why was she so embarrassed to be around him whenever her mates were nearby? He rolled his eyes and yanked his duster off the coat rack.

 

"Be seein' you," he said annoyedly and slammed the door on his way out.

 

Buffy immediately regretted kicking him out of the house, especially off of Dawn's irritated look.

 

"Buffy, what was going on? And why was Spike dressed like that?" Willow asked her.

 

She sighed.

 

"I'ts... a long story. I think I'm just gonna go to bed now," she told her friends, as she made her way to the staircase. She was angry at them for interrupting. She was actually having fun for the first time since she got back and now she was just tired and depressed.

 

Willow watched as Buffy ascended the stairs, with a sad look on her face. Suddenly, she noticed something and frowned.

 

"Are - are you hurt?"

 

Buffy turned around.

 

"What do you mean?" she asked.

 

"Well, you're limping."

 

She had totally forgotten about her injury. It didn't even hurt when she walked, so it kind of just slipped her mind.

 

"Oh, that. Yeah. We came across some vamps today. One of them threw me against a wall. I think I busted my hip or something."

 

"Want us to call a doctor?" Xander questioned, concerned for his friend.

 

"No... no, I'm fine. Really. 'Night, guys."

 

She then turned back around and proceeded up the stairs, leaving her worried friends to decide how fine she really was.

 

* * *

 

Buffy woke up that night, to find herself not in the comforts of her own bed, but in a long wooden box that was dark and cold. Again. She found herself unable to breathe. Unable to conjur up the slightest breath of air and she choked on the bitter dirt that invaded her mouth. Her hands were moving vigorously as she clawed against the force of earth that was intent upon consuming her whole. Her eyes stung and her lungs burned and the only thought that seemed to pass through her mind was that she was never going to be warm, she was never going to be safe, and she going to be in the dark forever. Her hands bled, but she continued to dig. Continued to dig herself out of her own grave. And then all of a sudden, her hand broke the surface and she used what little strength she had left to pull herself out of the ground. She looked around and realized that she was free. She made it out. But that she would never be happy again.

 

Buffy sat up abruptly, awaking in a cold sweat. She was gasping for air and tears threatened to pour down her face. She couldn't take this anymore. The dreams... the dreams were just too much. She didn't think she remembered one night where she had a peaceful sleep. The nightmares plagued her, and would always be a disturbing reminder as to how unhappy she really was.

 

Without another thought, she climbed out of bed and left her room, not even bothering to change her clothes. She decided that she needed to see him. He seemed to be the only person that made her feel safe, and that was all she wanted right now. She quickly looked in at Dawn, who was tucked away in her bed sound asleep, and made her way out the door.

 

When she found herself already at the entrance to his crypt, she hesitated for a moment before heading inside. She remembered that she had made him leave her home today, for no real reason, and he was probably still angry about that. If she showed up today at almost two in the morning, he would most likely get the impression that she was just using him or something. Going to him whenever she was bored or lonely... and that really wasn't the case. The truth was that she liked being around him. She liked what he had to say. She liked him. Sometimes more than she cared to admit.

 

She took a deep breath and opened the door. She made her way down the ladder and looked around. A few candles were glowing and casted eerie shadows across the walls of the dimly lighted crypt. She wrapped her arms around herself and turned the corner, her footsteps echoing all around her. Then she saw him. He was in bed, the sheets tangled around his half naked form. He had changed into a pair of his regular black jeans, but was void of a shirt. Buffy willed herself to look away, but couldn't seem to find the strength. She just stared at him, taking in how beautiful he really was. He stirred slightly, bringing Buffy back into reality. She shook her head and tried to decide what she wanted to do. She knew that she should probably leave - if he found her here, watching him sleep - she'd be beyond embarrassed. But, then again, she didn't really want to leave. With a heavy sigh, she moved towards his bed, ever so softly. As soon as she was about to silently climb in next to him, she accidentally stepped on his remote control. The TV turned on and an informercial for hair removal blasted through the crypt. Startled, Buffy squeaked in surprise and scrambled for the remote. She started pressing buttons, unsure of how to turn the damn thing off. Finally, after much frustration, the power went off and the crypt filled with silence once again. She sighed in relief and turned around, only to be greeted by a shirtless Spike, sitting up in his bed. He looked completely surprised to see her.

 

"Buffy," he said.

 

She just stared at him, unsure of how what to say. She decided the truth would be a good start.

 

"I, uh... I had a dream," she told him softly, tears suddenly filling her eyes in rememberence of the nightmare. "I - I didn't mean to wake you... I'm sorry."

 

Spike noticed a tear fall down her cheek and his heart ached at seeing her in so much pain.

 

"Come 'ere, love," he told her, patting the bed beside him.

 

She slowly walked over to him, and knelt down on the floor next to his bedside. He just looked at her for a moment before laying back down and propping his head up with his hand.

 

"I don't think I can take this anymore," she whispered through her tears. She lowered her eyes and continued. "I - I wake up every night and find myself in my coffin. I can't breathe and - and I have to dig myself out... every night."

 

He reached out hesitantly and brushed a strand of her golden hair off her face and placed it gently behind her ear. Buffy's heart melted at the small gesture and she smiled softly, as another tear rolled down her cheek.

 

"I can go... if - if you want. I mean, I know I woke you up and all and-"

 

"Stay," he simply told her.

 

She just stared at him for a moment and then nodded her head.

 

"Can I, uh..."

 

"Oh, right. Yeah," he said, and proceeded to get out of bed. "The bed's all yours. I can take the couch."

 

Momentarily distracted by his bare chest, she almost didn't even realize what he was saying. Shaking her head slightly, as if to erase the disconcerting thoughts, she stood up.

 

"No... you - you don't have to," she said quietly, a little disappointed.

 

He contemplated the thought of sleeping beside her, but shook his head anyway.

 

"I wouldn't fancy a stake through my heart when you wake up tomorrow mornin' and find yourself in bed with me. I'm fine with the couch, love."

 

She hesitated for a moment, but forced a smile and climbed into his bed. He smiled back and tried to make himself comfortable on the couch. Buffy pulled the covers up to her chest and laid her head down on the pillow, that smelled entirely of him. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Spike watched her for another moment before laying himself down and doing the same.

 

* * *

 

Not an hour had gone by before Spike was awakened by a terrifed cry and frightened whimpers. He sat up abruptly and noticed Buffy tossing and turning beneath his bed covers. She held the pillow tightly over her face as she fought for air. The girl was going to suffocate herself.

 

"Oh, my god..." Spike muttered as he dashed over to his bed. He pried the pillow out of her grasp and began to shake her awake.

 

Still unaware of Spike's presence, she raked her nails down the bed, as if trying to claw her way out of something. Her head tossed violently from side to side and she gasped helplessly for air.

 

"Buffy! Wake up, love!" he pleaded, still shaking her shoulders desperately.

 

After a few more seconds of struggle, Buffy's eyes finally shot open and she tried to get in back in touch with her surroundings.

 

"Buffy, are you alright?"

 

She glanced up at the fear stricken face above her and realized it was Spike. She was at Spike's crypt - in his bed.

 

"S-Spike?" she asked softly, her breathing still heavy.

 

He nodded and touched her shivering face.

 

"I'm cold," she said, and suddenly broke down into tears.

 

Without thinking twice, Spike climbed into his bed and held her close, smoothing out her hair, as if she were a small child. She sobbed mercilessly against his chest and held onto him with all her might.

 

"I'm so scared," she cried.

 

"I'm 'ere, baby. I'm 'ere," he told her, feeling her warm tears against his cool skin. "You're alright now."

 

Spike didn't know how much time went by - minutes, hours. But however long it was, he continued to hold her until her tears finally subsided. She took a deep quivering breath and snuggled closer to him. Spike ignored the familiar sensation he got everytime he was near her, and instead, solely concentrated on calming her fears and making her feel safe. He pulled the blankets up over their bodies and wrapped his arms more tightly around her, afraid that if he loosened his grip, she would somehow fade away. When her breathing became steady once again, he sighed and closed his eyes. The entire night went by and she didn't stir once.

 

* * *

 

Buffy awoke the next morning aware of three things.

 

One, she felt strangely refreshed and fulfilled. As if she had slept for hours on end without one interruption or frightening dream. Two, her eyes were dry and swollen and she could barely open them - so she didn't. And three, she was snuggled tightly against a bare, muscular chest. It took a moment for her to register number three, until she heard a soft purr come from the body beside her. She smiled softly and turned to face the vampire, opening her eyes just enough to make out the sleeping face in front of her. He opened his eyes as well in response to her shift in position.

 

"Feelin' better?" Spike asked her, their faces close to one another.

 

"Thanks to you," she replied, softly. Then she put her head down, breaking eye contact, and focused instead on... his naked chest. Oops. She looked back up at him. "I - I'm sorry... about last night and all. You must think I'm some sort of headcase or something. I didn't mean to... you know, intrude." She smiled shyly, waiting for him to respond.

 

He said nothing and instead stared into her deep green pools. The truth was, he was worried sick. When he looked over and saw her smothering herself with his own pillow, he thought for sure he had been staked. That's what it felt like anyway. She almost killed herself, and the thought of losing her again made his blood run cold... er.

 

"Jus' glad you're alright," he told her, and sat up in bed. "You, uh, want anythin'? I got myself one of those mini-refridgerator things."

 

She shook her head.

 

"Eye drops would be nice though."

 

He smiled and nodded, then proceeded to stand up.

 

"Will do, love," he said, and began rummaging around one of his drawers. When he found the small clear bottle, he tossed it to her.

 

"Thanks," she replied, and leaned her head back, squeezing the cool liquid onto her eyes. When she was finished, she blinked a little and then placed the bottle on the nightstand beside his bed. "I didn't expect you to have any," she said. "You don't really strike me as the crying type."

 

He stepped over to her and sat down next to her on the bed.

 

"Yeah, well, don't tell anyone. Got a rep to maintain, you know."

 

He gave her a small grin. As he smiled at her, Buffy noticed how his eyes lit up when he did so. She smiled back.

 

"So, uh, how's your hip? Better I'd reckon?"

 

She sighed.

 

"Not so much. I guess I did more damage to it then I thought."

 

"Want me to patrol for you tonight?" he asked, concerned.

 

"I think I can handle it."

 

"By yourself?"

 

"Well, you can come along I guess. If you don't have other plans, that is," she said, giving him a small smile.

 

"Right. With my busy schedule and all. I'll try to fit you in somewhere," he told her, smiling back. "I'll stop by 'round eight then?"

 

"Sure. Eight sounds good."

 

They sat there in silence for a moment, the air charged between them. Buffy was all too aware of his lack of clothing and she could feel her skin becoming flushed. She figured that was her cue to leave.

 

"I, uh, should probably... you know -"

 

"- get going," he finished, his voice low and almost seductive. Intead of standing up, giving her room to leave, he leaned in closer to her, never taking his eyes off hers.

 

Buffy's heartbeat sped up and she swallowed hard, as she maintained eye contact with him. She had no idea what she was getting herself into. Actually, she knew all too well. She was sitting beside a half-naked vampire who seemed to have no intention of letting her leave. And there she was, her stomach doing funny little flip flops and her hands shaking nervously, realizing she had no intention of leaving as well.

 

Spike watched her intently, suddenly overwhelmed by the desire to touch her. He reached out a tentative hand and gently caressed her cheek, her skin warm beneath his cool fingers. She moved her head unconsciously into his hand and he noticed the tip of her tongue dart out to instictively lick her lips.

 

With that, they leaned in closer, both wanting to taste each other. As the gap narrowed between them, Buffy closed her eyes, a million sensations overcoming her. Anticipation, excitement, nervousness... desire. There was no denything the fact that she wanted him. There was no denying the passion that sparked between them, everytime they were together. She held her breath.

 

Spike watched, as she closed her eyes, waiting patiently for him to kiss her. He smiled softly, before gently pressing his lips against hers. He felt her shudder against him and she parted her lips, beckoning him to deepen the kiss. He complied, and slowly slipped his tongue into her mouth. When Buffy felt his cool tongue against hers, a soft moan arose from the back of her throat. She could almost feel Spike smile against her mouth with the thought of deriving so much pleasure from her. The kiss intensified, as their lips battled and their tongues danced. Every particle in Buffy's body was on fire and it suddenly became too much to bear. She pulled away abruptly, catching her breath in short gasps. Spike stared at her, unnessecarily breathing heavily himself. Her lips were red and swollen from their passionate kiss and her skin was flushed a deep shade of pink. Buffy stared right back at him, a million thoughts trying to work their way through her brain. At first, all she could think about was how good his lips felt on hers, but after a few seconds passed, she began to gain more control over herself. Then the only thing passing through her mind was that she had to get out of there. Fast.

 

"I - I have to go now," she said quickly, standing up. "I'll see you at eight." She glanced at him one last time, his face both irritated and amused. Without another thought, because if she managed to actually think, her mind would inevitably roam to the gorgeous vampire in front of her that made her feel things she'd never felt before and made her so weak with desire that she had to practically hold onto something as she approached the ladder, and began to climb up. When she reached the top, she stopped for a moment to catch her breath. She had just kissed Spike. Spike the vampire. Spike the mortal enemy that tried to brutally murder her and her friends a countless number of times. She smiled to herself and left his crypt.

 

* * *

 

7:51.

 

Buffy stared at the clock, the numbers passing by excruciatingly slow. It felt like an hour had gone by, although a minute hadn't even passed yet.

 

"I think the clock is broken, guys," Buffy said absently to Dawn, Willow, and Tara, who were sitting around the table finishing up dinner.

 

"Why do you say that?" Dawn asked, curiously.

 

"Haven't you noticed? It's been 7:51 for like... years. Something's up," Buffy explained with a sigh. She took her eyes away from the clock for a moment to see three worried faces staring in her direction.

 

"Hey! There it goes," Willow said. "7:52."

 

Buffy looked at the clock again, and sure enough, it was 7:52. Which meant time was still passing. Which also meant it would be 8:00 in eight minutes. She prayed each minute lasted as long as the last one. Buffy stood up to put her plate in the sink, glancing at the clock just in time to see the two turn into a three.

 

"You have plans or something?" Dawn wondered.

 

Buffy looked over her shoulder as she rinsed the spaghetti sauce off her plate.

 

"Just patrolling," she said, casually.

 

"In that?"

 

Buffy turned around to face her sister.

 

"What do you mean?" she questioned.

 

"Well, your outfit. I mean, it's nice, but... since when do you wear dresses to patrol?"

 

"You think it's too much?" she asked, suddenly feeling self-conscious. Before anyone could answer, Buffy was already heading up the stairs. What the hell was wrong with her? She never wore dresses - especially, not for patrolling. _But you're going to be patrolling with *him*_ , Buffy thought to herself. She shook her head, disgusted. So what? What did he care if she was wearing a dress or a big winter overcoat? Why did she care? Not giving herself any time to answer the question, she pulled the lavender dress over her head and threw on some sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt, trying to look as casual as possible. She then pulled her hair up into a messy bun and wiped her lipstick off with her finger. With a satisfied look in the mirror, she strolled back down the stairs. She immediately looked at the clock as she entered the kitchen. 7:59. Feeling nervous, she unconsciously started fiddling with the ties on her drawstring pants.

 

"Are you sure you don't have plans?" Willow asked, with a slight frown. "I - I mean, you look all nervous and stuff. Like... you have a date?"

 

Buffy's head shot up.

 

"What? Date? No... no, of course not. I'm date-free, really."

 

Willow's frown turned into a big smile.

 

"You do! You so have a date. Who is he?" she asked grinning from ear to ear. Dawn and Tara were both smiling as well.

 

"I - I told you. No date. Dateless. I'm totally un-datey. Promise."

 

"Aw, c'mon, Buffy! Who's the lucky guy?" Dawn asked, giddily.

 

"He's nobody! I mean... there is no 'body'. I don't have a date."

 

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

 

"I'll get it!" Dawn exclaimed, jumping out of her chair so quickly, it fell over backwards. "I bet it's Buffy's date!"

 

When Dawn reached the front door, she whipped it open, to see Spike standing there. She sighed in disappointment.

 

"Calm down, everyone, it's just Spike!" she called out to the other room.

 

"I appreciate the warm welcome, bit," Spike said, sarcastically, as he entered the house.

 

"Oh, I mean... no, it's just that Buffy has a date and stuff. We thought you were him."

 

Spike raised an eyebrow.

 

"Does she now?"

 

"Totally. She's been running around the house like a crazy person this past hour. Always staring at the clock and asking if she looks okay."

 

"Is that right."

 

"Oh, yeah. She won't admit it though. She's all, 'I'm patrolling!' and I'm just like, 'Okay, if that's what you guys call it these days'."

 

"Slayer's stubborn like that, isn't she."

 

Dawn nodded and sighed.

 

"So, is there something you wanted?" she asked.

 

Spike grinned at her.

 

"Jus' 'ere to pick up Buffy for our date."

 

Dawn's eyes grew wide, as Buffy finally entered the room.

 

"He's kidding, Dawn," she told her shocked sister. "Now go do the dishes."

 

"R-right... okay. Later Spike."

 

"See ya, bit."

 

"I can't believe you told my sister we were dating," Buffy told Spike, as Dawn left the room.

 

"Eavesdropping, were you?"

 

"No, I was just..." She sighed. "Forget it. Let's go."

 

"You're goin' in that?"

 

Buffy let out a frustrated groan.

 

"What the hell is it with you people and my outfits? A dress is too fancy, sweats are too casual. Is nothing good enough?"

 

"Who says you have to wear anythin'? Clothes are highly overrated in my opinion," he replied, looking her up and down.

 

"Fine. Whatever. I'll go change," she told him, ignoring the tingling sensation she got as he studied her suggestively.

 

Buffy arrived back down the stairs a few minutes later dressed in black leather pants and a red three-quarter length sleeved shirt. She had also taken her hair down.

 

"Much better," Spike said with a satisfying smile.

 

Buffy rolled her eyes, covering up how good his compliment made her feel.

 

"Can we go now? Before I have the sudden urge to lay you - slay! Slay you."

 

Buffy turned a million shades of red, not believing those words actually came from her mouth, and Spike's smile only widened. She pushed past him in total embarrassment and made her way out the door. Spike followed close behind.

 

"So, where to on our 'date'?" he asked, walking in step with her.

 

"I was thinking the cemetery. I hear that's where all the cool kids hang these days," she replied, sarcastically.

 

He nodded and they walked in silence for a while. Although the silence was no longer comfortable between them. It was almost painful. Spike decided he couldn't take it anymore and finally stopped walking.

 

"We have to talk, Buffy."

 

She sighed and turned around to face him, knowing all too well where this conversation was headed.

 

"There's nothing to say," she told him, seriously.

 

"Yeah, there is. I think kissin' would qualify as a 'something'."

 

"It didn't mean anything. I mean, I was vunerable and -"

 

"Horny?" he provided.

 

"No," she said. "Look, I don't mind being your friend. You're kind of okay to be around when you're not being your annoying and conceited self. And I appreciate you looking after Dawn and helping my friends when I was gone, but... but, I can't get involved with you like that. I just can't. You're a vampire -"

 

"And your a Slayer. You don't see that stoppin' me," he interrupted, growing more irritated with every word she said.

 

Buffy took a deep breath.

 

"It's wrong," she told him.

 

"So, what's right?"

 

She looked down at her feet, unable to think of a good enough answer. As soon as she raised her head to say something unintelligible, a sudden dart-like contraption came flying out of nowhere, impaling a tree about two inches away from Buffy's arm. They both jumped back and looked over to see a figure running away in the distance.

 

"Come on!" Spike called, already taking off after him. Buffy quickly obliged and followed Spike across the cemetery. They made it to the other side, just in time to see a big white van speeding away.

 

"Bloody 'ell, should we follow?"

 

"Yeah," she said, catching her breath. "That street they just drove down goes around in a circle. They should come back out over there." She grabbed Spike by the arm, pulling him in the direction of a nearby alley.

 

"How are you gonna stop 'em?" he asked.

 

Buffy began looking around.

 

"Do you have a rock or something?"

 

Spike leaned over and picked up a large rock from off of the ground.

 

"Will this do?" he questioned, handing it to her.

 

She took it and nodded. They both hid behind the brick wall, until they heard the van come screeching around the corner. When Buffy sensed its proximity, she jumped out in front of it and chucked the rock towards the windshield. It missed the driver and crashed through the passenger's side, startling the driver and making him lose control. Buffy jumped back, as the van spun towards her and she charged into Spike, causing them both to fall over. They watched from the ground as the van collided with a rundown warehouse, wood from the dilapidated roof, falling on top of it. After a few moments passed, Buffy and Spike stood up and made their way towards the scene. Forcing their way through the mass pile of wood and dust, they finally reached the van, and Buffy walked over to the driver to see if he was still alive. Upon seeing the splintered piece of wood protruding from his neck, Buffy was given her answer.

 

"He's dead," Buffy told Spike, who was inspecting the van. "And he was human... which is a little disconterning, considering I killed the guy."

 

"Don't fret, love. He tried to kill you first, remember."

 

"Yeah, but leave the breathing baddies for somone else. I'm no Scully - I'm a Vampire Slayer. It's not my job to hunt down and kill humans."

 

"Buffy, you -" he started.

 

"Wait, what was that?" she whispered.

 

"I didn't -"

 

"Shhh."

 

They were both quiet for a moment and what sounded like a whimper made its way to their ears.

 

"It's coming from the van," Buffy said. "There - there's people in here!"

 

The two immediately raced to the back of the van and wretched open the doors. They gasped in surprise when they were greeted with over twenty different faces, both human and vampire.

 

"Have you come to save us?" a small girl who was huddled in the corner asked.

 

Buffy and Spike exchanged a confused glance.

 

"Yeah, we've come to save you," Buffy replied.

 

Relief washed over the many faces, as the two made their way inside the van. The three vampires were chained against the walls, unable to move their arms or legs. Buffy almost felt sorry for the creatures for a moment, but then remembered what they were and pulled a stake from the back of her pants. In three swift moves, she dusted the vamps. There were many startled gasps and even a few screams, when the traumatized people saw them explode into ash.

 

"It - It's okay. I won't hurt you," she tried to explain, tossing her stake to Spike. "Can anyone tell me what happened here?"

 

Nobody answered.

 

"Look, I can't help you, unless you tell me what's going on." She gave the people a reassuring smile to prove to them that she was on their side.

 

"They kidnapped us," a teen-aged girl spoke up. "They... they said they were going to do experiments on us. They made up fairytales about demons and monsters, telling us that they were real and - and that they would put us through tests. Testing us on our fears and strengths and weaknesses. And if we didn't obey, they would feed us to the monsters..." she said, choking back a sob. They others nodded in frightened agreement.

 

"Well, don't worry. You're safe now," Buffy told them soothingly. She gestured for Spike to help her get the people out. Some were chained up and others looked as if they had been in that van for days without food or water. Buffy felt sorry for them and was determined to make whoever was behind this pay.

 

"Is there anyone else?" she asked. "I mean, that driver... was he the only one?"

 

"No," a man replied. "There's a lot of them. They wear white and carry these weird looking guns with them."

 

Buffy nodded and her and Spike continued to help the people out of the van. They all wondered back to their homes with grateful smiles and "thank yous". When the last person was free, Spike shut the doors and leaned against the van with a sigh.

 

"So what do you think?" he asked her.

 

"Honestly? Not a clue. Looks like it's humans we're dealing with though." She sighed. "So not my line of work."

 

"Don't get your knickers in a twist. I'm sure we'll figure it out soon enough."

 

"I guess. But is it just me, or does this whole sitch have an uncanny resemblence to the Initiative? I mean with the wacky experiments and the capturing of innocent..." Spike gave her a look. "Creatures," she continued. "What I'm saying is, do you think there's a connection?"

 

"I'm thinkin' no. Did you seem to forget that the Initiative was shut down?" he asked.

 

"Of course not. I was just thinking maybe some new psycho loony decided to start it up again. It's not that dumb of an idea."

 

"Guess not. But I still wager we're dealin' with somethin' else. Why kidnap humans? That's not what the Initiative was about. Trust me, I know."

 

"Maybe you're right. We should still look into it though," she said, beginning to walk back in the direction of the cemetery. "I was on their hit list, afterall."

 

Spike followed.

 

"Well, that's not surprisin'. I reckon every evil in one form or another wouldn't mind gettin' a peice of the Slayer. Did you take the needle by the way?"

 

"No, why?" she asked, furrowing her brow.

 

"We should check to see if they wanted you dead or it was just a tranquilizer."

 

"Right," she said. "I can give it to Giles. I bet he would know -" Her words faded and she stopped walking. Spike stopped beside her and gave her a sympathetic look. "It's so weird," she continued. "I can't believe he's really gone, you know? I mean..." She looked down at her feet.

 

"Hey, chin up," he said softly. "You said yourself he's comin' back, right?"

 

She shook her head.

 

"I don't know. I wanted him to. I wanted him to so much, that... I made myself believe he really was. I just feel so lost without him. So alone."

 

Spike took a step closer to her and gave her a small smile.

 

"I've got your back," he told her. "Always."

 

She finally looked up, to see him smiling at her. It wasn't his usually smug smile or know-it-all grin. It was genuine. She couldn't help but smile back.

 

"Thanks," she replied. "As strange as it sounds, I find that surprisingly comforting. Knowing that you'll always be around."

 

"Yeah, well, if you ever decide to get stake-happy, I hope those words come back to haunt you," he said, his smile finally turning into his trademark grin.

 

"Well, when you put it that way... what words?" she asked, playing dumb.

 

"Funny," he replied. "Anyway, let's get that needle before someone else does. Maybe if we can figure out their intentions, we can stop 'em." He then began to walk towards the tree, where the needle was located.

 

"Spike... wait," Buffy called out. She bit her bottom lip when he turned back around to face her.

 

"Yeah?" he asked.

 

She took a deep breath and approached him.

 

"What I said before. About - about the kiss. I didn't mean to..." She sighed, trying to find the right words. "I'm sorry if I hurt you."

 

Spike looked down at the earth beneath his feet. Was she taking back what she said? Or just apologizing? He wasn't so sure, but he couldn't seem to remember a time when Buffy ever took back what she said to him. He figured she was just apologizing to make herself feel better.

 

"Forget it. You didn't hurt me," he lied. "I mean, I prepared myself for this, you know. I knew that I ever kissed you, it would never be for the same reasons why you kissed me back. I'm bettin' you just fancied a taste of ol' Spike, am I right? Then move on to the next available bloke?"

 

Buffy just stared at him, totally thrown by his accusation.

 

"That's not what I meant and you know that," she told him.

 

"Is that right. So I s'pose you're tryin' to tell me that you take it all back then. That when I kissed you your entire world fell down around you and all there was was us. Time had no meaning - hell, time didn't even exist. Everythin' you've ever wanted to feel, was right there in that moment. Is that what you're tryin' to say? 'Cause that's what it felt like to me."

 

She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She wanted to tell him he was right. That was exactly what she felt. But part of her also knew that if she admitted to feeling that way, he would assume she would want more. And no matter the fact that she did indeed want more, she couldn't give it to him.

 

"I'm sorry," she replied, unable to think of anything else to say. She closed her eyes and put her head down so she wouldn't have to witness the crushed statement on his face that she knew would inevitably follow. She remained that way for a few seconds, hoping he would just turn around and leave. Then this whole thing would be over and she wouldn't have to worry about it anymore tonight. When silence continued to ring in her ears, she decided that he must have left. With a sad sigh, she opened her eyes. She then frowned in confusion when four feet came into her line of sight, instead of two. She looked up and Spike was standing before her. She hadn't even heard him approach.

 

"Spike... I - I said I was sorry, but..."

 

"No, you're not," he told her softly. He then reached out and gently touched her hair, absently twirling it between his fingers. Buffy leaned in closer to him, unable to stop the sudden rush of heat that spread throughout her body at his nearness. He tilted his head down, and she closed her eyes. "But, you will be," he whispered into her ear. He then took a step back and Buffy practically toppled forward, not realizing how much weight she was putting on him. She frowned when he took yet another step back. And before she knew it, he was already clear across the cemetery. Buffy watched him as he left her there, conflicting emotions passing through her. What was she supposed to do now? Let him walk away, leaving her alone to drown herself in her own misery and regret? _Yes, Buffy, that's exactly what you need to do. Get over him. He's all wrong for you anyway. All gorgeous and strong and mysterious and witty. Totally not your type_. She sighed, and decided she couldn't let him walk away from her. They all did. Angel, Parker, Riley, Giles. Now Spike. And it was always her fault. Did she really want to lose him too? The answer was no. With her mind made up, Buffy sprinted across the cemetery, catching up to him in a few short seconds.

 

"Spike," she said, stepping in front of him.

 

"Took you long enough."

 

She smiled, as he enveloped his arms around her waist, pulling her tightly against his hard frame. This time, instead of waiting for him to make the first move, she raised her head and crushed her lips to his. Just as she opened her mouth to let him inside, two strong arms came out of nowhere and yanked her out of Spike's grasp, throwing her to the ground. She looked up, ready to slay whoever it was that totally destroyed the moment.

 

"Well, now. Lookie here, boys. It's the Slayer slut mackin' on her vampire."

 

Spike growled and approached the gang of vampires. He grabbed the burly "leader" by his collar and lifted him off the ground.

 

"You better watch your mouth, mate." He then turned to Buffy, who was just now standing up to face the group. "Now apologize to the lady," he said, threateningly.

 

The vampire grinned, his lip curling up in a disgusting snarl.

 

"I don't owe an apology to nobody. Besides, it's the truth, ain't it? If she'll give it up to you, who's to say she won't give it up to me and my boys?" He laughed. "Suddenly, killin' her don't seem as fun no more."

 

As soon as Spike was about to rip the creature's head off, the vamp head-butted Spike, forcing him to stumble backwards. The vampire then turned to Buffy.

 

"So what do you say, Little Miss Vampire Layer? You game?" he asked, waggling his tongue at her. Before anyone could get another word in, Buffy cartwheeled forward, knocking the vampire down with her feet. She flinched in pain, as her hip throbbed, but leaned over and quickly plunged the stake into his dead heart.

 

"Sure am," she replied. She then raised her head and faced the ten other vampires surrounding her and Spike. "Anyone else wanna play?"

 

All at once, the vamps attacked, but Buffy and Spike were ready for them. Spike took his stake and dusted three at a time as they charged him. They had obviously just been raised. He kept his eye on Buffy, making sure she didn't hurt herself anymore than she already did. She seemed to be doing alright, but he noticed that everytime she instinctively raised her leg to kick, she winced and tried a different technique instead. He sighed, as he easily took out four more of them, while Buffy was still working on her second.

 

"Need some help, love?" he called out over her furious blows and punches.

 

"Nope, I'm -"

 

Spike walked up and thrust the stake into the vampire's back. The same vampire that Buffy had been fighting practically the whole time. They watched as he exploded into dust.

 

"- fine," she finished.

 

The final vamp, pounced Spike and the two toppled to the ground. Buffy was immediately in the action and she bent down to stake the vampire. Just as she lowered her stake, he rolled off of Spike, and Buffy came centimeters away from staking Spike instead. He fortunately grabbed her arm just in time, relief washing over their faces. The vampire, however, was not quite finished yet. He grabbed Buffy by the ankles and pulled her feet out from under her. She hit the ground hard, and again, had to keep herself from crying out, as the pain swept over her. She struggled with the vampire for a moment or two before finally reaching her stake and thrusting it upwards, into the vamp's chest. His ashes settled on top of her. She was breathing heavily as Spike leaned over her and extended his hand. She accepted, and slowly stood herself up, biting her tongue as she did, so Spike wouldn't realize how much pain she was in.

 

"You're hurt," he said, obviously seeing right through her facade.

 

She straightened and raised her chin.

 

"I'm fine," she told him.

 

"Look at youself, love, you can barely stand."

 

Buffy hadn't even realized she was still holding onto Spike for support. She took a step back.

 

"I'll be okay, Spike. I've been worse. Remember when that vamp staked me with my own stake? That was a whole world of worse."

 

"Doesn't make this any less serious. You need a doctor, Buffy."

 

"No, what I need is for you to stop bugging me about this. I'll heal. I always do," she replied, starting to get irritated. She then walked past him and approached the tree, with the needle sticking out of it. She pulled it loose. "Now, come on. We should get this checked out."

 

Spike sighed in reluctance and followed her.

 

"I've got some books and sorts at my place. We could give 'em a look if you're up for it," he told her.

 

"Yeah, sure," she said, walking in step with him.

 

They headed towards Spike's crypt in another uncomfortable silence. When they reached his main entrance, they entered inside and made their way down to his lower level.

 

"So, where's the library?" she asked, taking off her jacket and hanging on the back of one of his chairs. Spike did the same with his duster and lead her over to a small bookcase on the opposite side of his bed. Buffy leaned over and eyed the spines of the books for something revelant to what they were looking for. She read some of the titles outloud, with an amused smile on her face.

 

" _Immortality and Me, A Beginner's Guide to Slaughter and Bloodshed_ , and ooh, what's this? _101 Ways to Kill the Slayer_."

 

Spike looked down, slightly embarrassed.

 

"Present from Dru," he told her.

 

Buffy nodded, unconvinced, and continued looking. After finding a few on-topic books, she pulled them off the shelf and hopped up onto Spike's bed. She laid down on her stomach and began absently flipping through the pages. When she noticed Spike standing off to the side, she scooted over to make room for him and held out a book.

 

"Here, research boy. Start studying."

 

He smiled and joined her on the bed, laying next to her in the same position. They went through books on cults, poisons, and secret government agencies only to come up with nothing after almost an hour. Buffy slammed her book closed in exasperration.

 

"God, we suck," she said, putting her head down.

 

"Yeah, well, we can't really find what we're lookin' for if we... well, have no clue what we're lookin' for."

 

"But isn't that the point of research? Trying to find what we're looking for?"

 

"Yeah, but we have nowhere to start."

 

"I would think finding a van full of humans and vampires all captured by needle throwing guys in white is an okay start."

 

He sighed.

 

"Well, there's nothin' in these books. I say we call it a night," he told her, shutting his book as well.

 

Buffy eyed him suspiciously.

 

"Is this your subtle way of telling me to leave? Have some sort of hot date tonight or something?" she asked, jokingly.

 

Spike narrowed his eyes at her, but didn't say anything.

 

"You don't... do you? Have a hot date, I mean?"

 

He grinned at her.

 

"Not unless you want to be my date, love."

 

She rolled her eyes.

 

"I'll take that as a 'no'," she told him, sitting up and stretching. Spike turned himself over, so he was now lying on his back, looking up at her.

 

"Why did you come after me?" he asked, suddenly.

 

Buffy frowned and layed back down on the bed, holding her head up with her hand.

 

"What do you mean?" she questioned.

 

Spike turned to look at her, telling her she knew exactly what he meant just with his eyes. She looked down.

 

"I don't know," she replied. "I - I guess I was just afraid. You know, that if I let you leave... you'd never come back." She glanced back up at him, hoping her words came out right this time.

 

"You'd think I'd leave, just because we fought? If that were the case, I'd be long gone by now, pet. 'Sides, I told you I'd always be 'ere."

 

"I know," she said. "But what we fought about... it was kinda, I dunno, big. I mean, there was kissage involved and stuff."

 

"I remember," he told her, with a smile. But soon his smile faded, and he asked, "It was nothin' more though, was it?"

 

"I didn't say that."

 

"Then say it."

 

Buffy was about to answer, but instead leaned over him and placed a soft kiss on his lips. When she pulled away, he caught the back of her head with his hand.

 

"Say it, Buffy. Tell me this means nothin' to you, so I don't have to go to sleep everyday, wonderin' if it means more."

 

"I know what I feel," she told him, and reached out to caress the side of his face with her small hand. "And I know what I want to feel."

 

With that, Spike rolled her onto her back, so he was on top. Entangling his hands in her long golden locks, he leaned in and covered her lips with his own. Buffy moaned from the back of her throat as his tongue pushed deep into her mouth. Chills ran through her, then heat, and finally she succumbed to what had been building in her from the first moment their lips had touched. Passion.

 

"Buffy," he groaned, leaving her mouth to place small kisses down the side of her neck to her shoulder where he nipped the flesh, felt her shudder, and bit harder.

 

"Spike," she breathed. She reached out to him, needing to feel him closer still. She ran hard nails under his black t-shirt, testing the muscles of his back, and feeling them tense beneath her touch. "Oh," she sighed, placing a tender kiss along the side of his neck. He looked down at her, searching her eyes.

 

"Are you -"

 

Buffy cut him off mid-sentence and pulled his head down so she could capture his lips. He responded by pushing deep into her mouth again, toying with her tongue, teasing it back into his mouth. They tasted each other, reveling in the intimacy, feeling their passion rise to ever greater heights. The desire became overwhelming, and Spike pulled his mouth away from hers.

 

"Buffy, we can't."

 

She stared up at him, not believing her own ears. There she was, giving herself to her mortal enemy, and he was denying her of something she knew very well he wanted. She didn't understand.

 

"What do you mean we can't? Is this some sort of trick?" she asked, still trying to catch her breath.

 

"No," he explained. "It's just that... I'll hurt you."

 

She frowned for a moment in confusion, until a lightbulb finally went off. Her hip. He was talking about her hip. She let a small smile dance across her lips, touched by his concern.

 

"I don't care," she whispered, running her hands through his tousled hair. She brought his face down for another searing kiss, once again losing herself in the feel of him.

 

Spike was just as lost as she was. Lost in ecstasy, lost in the burning desire to be inside her. Never taking his lips from hers, he gathered her closer, pressing his hardness against her thigh. She gasped in pleasure and suddenly felt his hands disappear beneath her shirt, cooling her scalding flesh. She moaned against his mouth, as his hands found her lace-covered breasts. She arched up to him, unable to get close enough. As Spike's mouth left her own to run his tongue alone her jawline, Buffy reached for his shirt, pulling the offending material over his head. After tossing it to the floor, she ran her hands over the creamy planes of his bare chest and down his abdomen, enjoying the groan she invoked from him when she raked her nails over the taut muscles of his stomach.

 

Spike decided he needed to feel her warm flesh against his, so he ripped her shirt from her body in one swift gesture and lowered his mouth to taste the bronzed skin now revealed to him. Buffy moaned as she felt his tongue come in contact with the swells of her breasts. He licked and nipped at the sensitive skin before he soon found the front clasp of her bra and expertly undid it with his teeth. He looked up at Buffy with a devilish grin before lowering his head once more and taking her breast into his mouth.

 

"Oh god..." she whimpered, as he suckled her nipple, teasing her into oblivion. He did the same to the other, until Buffy couldn't take it anymore and her hands made their way down to the front of his jeans. She began loosening his belt buckle, wanting nothing more than to feel him inside of her. "Now, Spike, please... make love to me," she begged, her voice filled with aching need.

 

He growled out in pleasure, never imagining those words coming from his Slayer's lips. His mouth made it's way further down her heated body, trailing small kisses along her flat belly. When he finally reached her leather pants, he quickly unbuttoned and discarded them, tossing them aside. He then ran his hands tantalizingly slow from her ankles, to her knees, to her thighs, until he reached the final barrier between him and his Heaven. Without further delay, he pulled her black-laced panties from off of her and just stared in awe at the woman in front of him, so willingly giving him something he never dreamed he'd ever get to have.

 

They just stared at each other for a moment, connecting in ways that were beyond physical and having an effect that words could never have. When the moment passed, Spike began finishing the work Buffy started on his jeans. They soon landed in the pile of the rest of their clothes and he crawled up the bed so he was looming over her once again. She instinctively spread her legs to give him better access, ignoring the pain, for the mind blowing pleasure far outweighed it.

 

He leaned his head down to capture her mouth in another breathtaking kiss. She held his head in her hands, pulling him even closer, as he pummeled the depths of her mouth with his tongue. Buffy was almost overwhelmed by the intense emotions she felt in his kiss, but she returned it with equal passion. When Spike raised his head to give Buffy a chance to catch her breath, he gently placed a long strand of hair behind her ear, and she gasped when she felt him position himself at her entrance. Just as he was about to plunge himself into her fiery heat, she stopped him.

 

"Wait," she breathed out, so softly, he almost didn't hear her. He tensed at the thought that he had possibly hurt her.

 

"What is it, love? Did I hurt you?" he asked, concern evident on his face. She shook her head.

 

"No," she replied. "I just... I need you to promise me something."

 

"Anything," he told her.

 

She paused for a moment before continuing.

 

"Promise me you'll never leave me."

 

"Buffy, I told you I would never-"

 

"Promise me."

 

Her face was desperate, as if her entire life depended on this promise. He smiled and gently placed a tender kiss on her lips before responding.

 

"I'll never leave you, baby. I promise."

 

And with that, he thrust into her deeply, burying himself in her softness. They both cried out at the sheer intensity of their joining and Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist, drawing him deeper inside. Spike gave her a moment to adjust to the size of him, before slowly moving within her, setting the languid cadence of lovemaking.

 

"Oh... Spike..." she moaned, as soft whimpers escaped her lips.

 

She met him thrust for thrust, his pace becoming more punishing, more intense. She felt her passion rising to unspeakable heights and she dug her fingernails into his back, drawing blood. But the pain only seemed to invoke more pleasure from him. When he felt himself teetering on the brink, he slowed down, causing Buffy to writhe in frustration beneath him.

 

"Don't stop," she pleaded with him.

 

"I don't want this to end," he whispered, finding her mouth once again and crushing his lips to hers. Soon the only thought in his mind was to find the sweet release he was so desperate for and his pace quickened once again. He pulled out of her almost completely and plunged back in, hard and fast. Buffy knew she was seconds away from going over the edge and she clung to Spike tightly, as if she never meant to let him go. With one last thrust, she finally reached breaking point and arched up into him, calling out his name, as the most powerful orgasm she ever experienced began to wash over her. Spike was right behind her.

 

"Buffy," he cried out to her, as he shot his cold seed deep inside of her. They rode out the final waves of ecstasy together, holding onto each other for dear life. When the shocks finally subsided, Spike collapsed on top of her, and Buffy continued to hold him closely. After a few minutes passed, Spike rolled over so Buffy was now on top of him. She placed her head on his chest and he gently stroked her hair.

 

No words were said between them, for no words were needed. Only the sounds of Buffy's steady breathing and beating heart echoed in Spike's ears, and it seemed to calm him somehow. He smiled to himself and continued to stroke her hair, until they both drifted off into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

 

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

"Oh, shit! Willow's gonna kill me!" Buffy exclaimed, scrambling off of Spike, in search of her clothes. "And this time she won't bring me back."

 

"It's only noon, love. No worries."

 

"Only noon?! It's lunchtime! It's the time of lunch and - and several hours past the time of breakfast. And even more hours past time of waking up to find Buffy missing! Everyone'll be worried sick! They probably think I went on some suicide mission and have already sent out search parties with those rabid dogs to try to find my body and..." Her voice trailed off as she felt Spike approach her from behind and wrap his strong arms around her tiny waist. She couldn't help but smile and lean into his embrace.

 

"Quit your frettin'. Jus' tell 'em that you were on your date or what not. Isn't that what you told 'em before?"

 

She turned around to face him and to wrap her own arms around him.

 

"Ooh, good idea. Or I could just tell them the truth?" she asked.

 

Spike raised an eyebrow at her.

 

"Right. Mystery date, it is."

 

With a sigh, she removed herself from Spike's grasp and began to step back into her panties. She could feel his eyes on her as she did so, and familiar tingling sensations made their way throughout her body. She wanted so badly to act out the sequel to last night, but she knew she had to get home. Trying to ignore the way he made her feel by just being within a few feet of her, she continued to put the rest of her clothes on. When she was finished, she combed her hair out with her fingers and finally turned around to find Spike sitting on the bed in all his naked glory, staring at her. She smiled suggestively and walked over towards him, sitting herself on his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck.

 

"Do you really 'ave to go?" he asked.

 

"I do," she replied, sadly. She leaned in and placed gentle kiss on his lips. "But, hey, you can come with if you want."

 

"And I'm sure your mates will 'ave nothin' to say 'bout that," he told her, sarcastically.

 

"No, I mean, we could bring the needle thing with us and I'll just say that I stopped by your place on my way home. They won't get any ideas."

 

"You sure?" he asked.

 

"As sure as sure goes," she replied with smile.

 

He smiled back and kissed her again, thuroughly, wrapping his arms firmly around her waist. She leaned into him, until they both fell back together on the bed.

 

"We - we have to stop," she told him breathlessly.

 

"No, we don't. Stay. Just a bit longer."

 

"But, they'll be worried, they -"

 

"Let 'em worry," he said.

 

She gave into him once more and kissed him with passion. Their tongues entangled with each other and it wasn't long before Buffy's clothes were once again strewn across the floor.

 

* * *

 

An hour later, Buffy and Spike were finally on their way to the Summers' home. The jogged at a steady pace, as Spike struggled to hold onto his blanket.

 

"Bloody 'ell, are we almost there?" he asked.

 

"Yeah, just about. Come on," she replied, leading him in the direction of her house. When the finally reached her front porch and Spike was out of the direct sunlight, he took off his blanket and followed Buffy inside.

 

"Dawn?" Buffy called out. "Will?" She headed up the stairs and when they weren't there, she went back down, meeting Spike at the doorway. "I don't think they're here," Buffy said to him, as they walked towards the kitchen together. "Ooh, wait. A note." She picked the piece of paper off the counter and read it aloud:

 

_Buffy-_

 

_We all headed to the Magic Box and should be back around three. If you get back from your date early enough, you can meet us there, otherwise we'll see ya later! Hope you had a good time! ;)_

 

_-Willow, Tara, Dawn_

 

She sighed and placed the note back down.

 

"Guess you were right," she told him.

 

"Yeah, well, looks like we 'ave the house to ourselves," he said suggestively, waggling his eyebrows at her. She rolled her eyes.

 

"Don't get any ideas. We should probably head over the the Magic Box. This whole needle sitch needs some serious figuring out."

 

"We've got all day, love. 'Sides, I don't fancy runnin' another bloody block in this scorchin' heat."

 

"Spike -"

 

"Buffy," he interrupted, advancing on her. Suddenly, he grabbed her around the waist, pulling her to him and burying his face in her neck. She attempted a poor excuse for a struggle, but was soon lost in his embrace, as he showered kisses down her throat. He was right. Research could wait.

 

"Okay, okay. Let me at least give them a call, alright? So they know I got home in one piece."

 

He smiled, knowingly, and reluctantly let her go. She steadied her breathing and headed towards the phone, punching in the familiar numbers to the Magic Box.

 

 

Meanwhile, the gang were all gathered at the shop, with Willow, Xander, Dawn, and Tara seated at the table eating lunch, and Anya flirting a customer into buying something.

 

"So, Dawnster," Xander began, taking a bite of his deli sandwhich. "Buffy didn't come home last night?"

 

Dawn shrugged.

 

"Guess not. I mean, it's understandable though. She was probably up all night boinking her new boyfriend and lost track of time."

 

The Scoobies exchanged uncomfortable glances, as Dawn focused on trying to lift an icecube out of her drink using a straw.

 

"And I will forever be sorry that I asked," Xander replied, putting his sandwhich down and suddenly feeling not so hungry anymore.

 

Before anyone else could comment, the phone started to ring loudly.

 

"Anyone wanna get that?" Willow asked.

 

They all shook their heads and continued eating, deciding the machine could answer it for them.

 

 

Buffy tapped her foot impatiently, as the phone continued to ring.

 

"No answer?" Spike asked, approaching her.

 

"Not yet," she replied in frustration, tempted to just hang up and get on with the ravaging Spike part of the day. As soon as that thought passed through her mind, she felt Spike begin to untie the back of her shirt and trace invisible designs on her bare back with his cool fingers. She closed her eyes and sighed contentedly, as the answering machine finally picked up.

 

"Well?" he asked, leaning over to kiss her shoulder.

 

"Answering machine," she replied and turned around to face him. He smiled, and when he began doing delicious things with his tongue on her collarbone, Buffy set the phone down behind her, accidentally placing it on the receiver upside down.

 

 

"Someone has got to turn the sound down on that ringer. It's majorly annoying," Dawn commented, just as the answering machine picked up and Anya's chipper voice filled the room:

 

"Hello, and thanks for calling the Magic Box! I'm unable to take your call right now due to the fact that I'm probably counting the money and I have better things to do than sit around and answer the phone all day..."

 

"Anya!" Xander's voice could be heard in the background.

 

"Shut up, Xander! I'm trying to leave a message! Anyway, leave a message after the tone, but only if you're rich. If you don't have any money, then don't even bother, because -"

 

"Anya!"

 

"Xander, my god! Can't you see I'm -"

 

_*Beep*_

 

Everyone rolled their eyes and smiled to themselves at Anya's untasteful display of phone manner. But what came after the beep had more than a few stomach's turning.

 

 

As Buffy set the phone down, Spike lifted her up against the wall, pressing his growing erection between her thighs. She let out a small whimper and furiously began to rip his shirt from off of his body. He groaned when she leaned over and licked her way up his chest.

 

"You taste good," she told him.

 

He grinned at her and began unbuttoning the top of her pants.

 

 

All the while, the Scoobies listened in absolute horror as the many moans and "oh yes's" made their way throughout the Magic Box. Anya stopped what she was doing and listened in fascination, Xander made some gurgling noises as his lunch threatened to resurface, Willow just sat there wide-eyed, and Tara leaned over and covered Dawn's virgin ears from the less-than-pleasant display. Finally Willow spoke up.

 

"Um... maybe - maybe it's a prank call... or something. I - I better go and, you know -"

 

"Spike, yes!"

 

All five mouths hung open in disbelief, six including the horrified customer. Tara, never taking her hands from Dawn's ears, tried to be the voice of reason.

 

"Hey, I - I'm sure there's m-many people named Spike out there, and -"

 

"Oh, Buffy..."

 

Xander leaned over and lost his lunch.

 

 

Out of breath, Buffy laid her head down on Spike's shoulder, completely spent.

 

"Tired already, pet?"

 

"No, of course not," she replied, breathing heavily.

 

"Feel like givin' it another go then?" he asked hopefully, setting Buffy back down on the ground.

 

"Good lord, is that all you think about?"

 

"Well -"

 

" _Your message has been recorded_."

 

_*Beep*_

 

They both froze, as confusion swept over them. Suddenly, Buffy's eyes grew wide and she turned around quickly to look at the phone, which was laying upside down on the receiver.

 

"Oh, my GOD!"

 

"What? What is it?" Spike asked, looking over Buffy's shoulder to see the misplaced phone. "Oh," he replied in realization.

 

"Oh... oh, my god. Oh, MY god. We - we have to go! We have to go NOW! Oh, my god!"

 

"Stop saying that, love. They're prob'ly on lunch break. We've got plenty of time."

 

"No, no, no. You so don't understand. If they heard... oh, my god..."

 

Spike rolled his eyes and pulled up his pants.

 

"Well, let's head over there then. I'm sure we'll get there before your mates get back. We can erase the message and no one will ever know."

 

Buffy nodded, still in shock.

 

"R-right. Message. Erase. No one will know. Okay. Good." She took a deep breath and threw on the rest of her clothes. "Let's go."

 

Spike grabbed his blanket, threw it over his head, and started running out the door, with Buffy and her "oh my god's" trailing not too far behind.

 

 

The room was void of any noise, besides the incessant scrubbing of Xander cleaning up what was left of his turkey sandwhich and fries. Dawn went back to the icecube liftage, trying not to let anyone pick up on the fact that Tara was a horrible ear-coverer and she in fact heard all she needed to hear of Buffy and Spike's little sex-a-thon. Anya approached the table a few moments later, after her almost customer fled the store, traumatized. She sighed and sat down.

 

"Well, that was entertaining," she said, breaking the silence.

 

Everyone rolled their eyes, making Anya frown.

 

"What? Like I'm the only one thinking that?"

 

"Please, Ahn, not now," Xander replied, standing up and sitting back down.

 

"You look rather green, Xander. I think you should rest."

 

"Anya. I'm fine."

 

She let out a "hmph" and leaned back in her chair.

 

"What do we do?" Willow finally asked. "I - I mean, Buffy... with Spike. They sounded kinda coupley. You know, with the "oh, Spikes" and the nakedness and -"

 

"Will, please. We've already witnessed the audio sample. Let's not get into visuals, alright?" Xander interrupted, thuroughly disgusted.

 

"I know, I know. I'm just trying to make sense of all this. I mean, if Buffy was interested in Spike -"

 

"I think interested is an understatement," Anya offered.

 

"- don't you think she would have told us? We're her best friends," Willow continued, ignoring Anya's comment.

 

"Maybe's she's tried," Dawn said absently, now fixated on the slowly-melting icecube floating in her soda.

 

All eyes shot up, as the group momentarily forgot about Dawn's presence.

 

"Oh, Dawnie... um, are you okay?" Willow asked, realizing she'd probably just been scarred for life.

 

Dawn looked up at the four concerned faces.

 

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine. Fifteen, remember? I know about sex and stuff."

 

"Oh," Willow replied.

 

It was silent for a moment, until Tara spoke up.

 

"How should we act around her?" she asked. "Should we pretend like it never happened? Or - or maybe confront her?"

 

"Oh, yeah," Xander answered. "That'll go over great. 'Hey, Buff. Overheard you and Spike with the wild monkey sex. Care to share?' I'm thinking no."

 

"Xander's right," Willow agreed. "I think until Buffy is ready to tell us, we should just forget about this whole thing."

 

"Forget. Of course. It's nothing that a few thousand dollars in therapy bills won't fix."

 

"Xander, you know what I mean. We should just, you know, not bring it up to her. Act natural."

 

Suddenly, the main door swung open and Buffy and Spike came plowing inside.

 

"Okay, Spike. You check the machine, I'll..." Buffy stopped mid-sentence, when she noticed her friends staring at her from the big round table. "Oh," she said, her stomach dropping. "You're here. You're... all here..."

 

"Hey, Buffy," Willow said, smiling.

 

Spike stepped around Buffy and took off his blanket.

 

"Hey, Spike," she continued, acknowledging the vampire's presence. "What's up?" As soon as she said that, her eyes grew wide. "I - I mean, figuratively speaking... of course."

 

Buffy and Spike exchanged a look and approached the table, cautiously.

 

"So, uh, how long have you guys been here?" Buffy asked, casually.

 

"Oh, n-not long," Tara replied. "We just got back from lunch about five minutes ago."

 

Buffy sighed in relief, her heartbeat slowly returning to normal. They didn't know.

 

"Good. That's really... really good." She paused for a moment. "I'll be right back." With that, she darted off to the back of the room and began deleting all the current messages.

 

Spike just stood there, shifting from one foot to another. He glanced up at the gang, who were all studying him as if he were a science experiment. When they noticed him look at them, they all immediately fixated their eyes elsewhere. Spike, slightly uncomfortable, followed Buffy over to the phone.

 

"Love, I think you're mates are on to somethin'. They're all starin' at me as if I grew two bloody heads."

 

"Shh. No. Shut up. They know nothing," she whispered.

 

Spike sighed.

 

"Right then. Whatever you say, Slayer."

 

When Buffy finished pressing the delete button a few hundred times, just to be sure, the two walked back into the main room.

 

"So," Buffy said. "You guys in research mode?"

 

"Uh, no," Xander replied, still unable to look at her. "Just hanging out is all."

 

"Oh. The Buffy-excluded type thing. I get it," she said, pretending to be hurt.

 

"Well, we would have invited you, you know," Anya told her. "But you were too busy with S- ouch!" she cried, as Xander kicked her from underneath the table.

 

"Slaying," Xander finished for her.

 

Buffy eyed him skeptically.

 

"Right. Those sneaky vampires and their daytime strolls," she said. Perhaps Spike was right afterall. Maybe they did know. She shook that idea out of her head and changed the subject. "Anyway, we - I mean, Spike and I, came here because I was almost penetrated by this needle thing last night."

 

"I'm sure that's not the only penetration you got last night," Anya mumbled under her breath, although everyone clearly heard. Buffy just stood there wide-eyed, as her jaw lowered slightly.

 

"Anya!" Xander exclaimed, furious.

 

"What? For God's sake, Xander! I can't just sit here and act all "la la la" while you guys pretend like you didn't hear Buffy and Spike having crazy naked sex over the answering machine!"

 

It was deathly silent for approximately three seconds, until Buffy bolted out of the Magic Box, slamming the door behind her. Xander grabbed Anya by the arm and dragged her over to the back room.

 

"We need to talk," he said, seriously.

 

When the two disappeared around the corner, the three girls nervously looked up at Spike.

 

"I, uh... should, you know... probably go after Buffy," Willow said, standing up. "I mean, it's kinda a girl thing, afterall. And you... well, you know, the sun is out and stuff and... um, I'm gonna go now." She was out of the room just as quickly as Buffy was.

 

"Yeah, me too," Dawn agreed. "You know, 'cause of the whole sister thing." She gave Spike a nervous smile and was out the door.

 

Spike glanced over at Tara, but she looked away quickly. Spike audibly sighed and stood there, as uncomfortable silence filled the room. This went on for a few more minutes until Tara finally spoke.

 

"I, um -"

 

"Let me guess," Spike interrupted. "You gotta go after Buffy 'cause it's a "girl thing" and I should just stay 'ere 'cause of the sun. Am I right?"

 

"Oh, well, I was going to say I liked your coat..."

 

"Yeah?"

 

She nodded.

 

"Well, uh... thanks."

 

"You're welcome."

 

She gave him a small smile and looked away. Spike shoved his hands in his pockets and silence filled the room once again.

 

* * *

 

"Buffy, wait up!" Willow called out to Buffy, with Dawn trailing behind.

 

Buffy slowed her pace, on the verge of tears. She wanted to run forever, get away from this freakshow called her life. She didn't want to talk. Especially, not about Spike. About how he made her feel. She sighed deeply and reluctantly turned to face her friend and sister.

 

"Buffy," Willow said gently, slightly out of breath.

 

"Will, I... do we have to talk about this?" she asked, with a slight tone of pleading in her voice.

 

"Oh, well..."

 

"Yes," Dawn interrupted, crossing her arms over her chest. "We have to talk about this."

 

Buffy narrowed her eyes at her sister. She had figured that Dawn would be okay with her and Spike together. Together. Somehow that just didn't sound right.

 

"Dawnie, I'm sorry if you're angry with me. I understand..."

 

"No, you don't," she said, shaking her head. "Why didn't you tell me? We're sisters. Sisters tell each other stuff."

 

"Because I didn't plan any of this. It just sorta happened... last night."

 

Dawn averted her eyes to the ground. She wasn't mad about Spike. In fact, she was happy for her sister. If Spike made Buffy happy, then she was happy.

 

"Look, Dawn... both of you," she explained, glancing up at Willow. "I - I don't know what's going on. I'm confused. I mean, Spike, he... he loves me. And that's what I need right now, I think. To feel... loved."

 

"And we don't make you feel that way?" Willow asked, her voice no longer comforting and gentle, but hurt and angry.

 

Buffy just looked down at the ground. She wanted to tell them the truth. That she didn't feel loved. That if they really loved her, they would have left her in peace.

 

"Answer me, Buffy."

 

"What do you want me to say?"

 

"Anything! Anything at all. Just... something. You keep us at a distance. You don't let us help you. Let us help you, Buffy. Let... let me help you," she told her friend, her tone softening. She reached out to her, but Buffy flinched. Willow took a step back, pain shining out through her eyes.

 

"Okay," Buffy said. "Tonight. Tonight I'll tell you everything."

 

* * *

 

Buffy sat nervously on her couch that night, as her friends waited in anticipation for her to proceed. This was a horrible idea. No, worse than horrible. It was insane. What the hell was she thinking? Damn her and her spontaneous ways. As the room continued to ring with that familiar sound of uncomfortable silence, she desperately wished that Spike was there. She had told him to stay home that night. This was something she had to tell them on her own. Besides, if her friends knew that she had confided in Spike before them... well, that would have been a whole other problem.

 

With one last gulp of the tasteless liquid called water, Buffy cleared her throat and licked her suddenly dry lips. There was no turning back now. She said she had something to say and she did. And she was going to say it.

 

"Um," Buffy started. She cursed her voice and how weak it was. Why was she so damned scared? Her friends and Dawn deserved to hear the truth. They needed to know where she was and how she felt or the rest of her life would be a lie. She couldn't do that to herself... or them. So she continued. "I called you guys here tonight because there's something you should know. I should have told you earlier... in fact, I never should have lied in the first place, but I did. And now I have to face up to that. So... here it goes." She took another quick sip of water before proceeding for the billionth time that night. "I, um... well, I wasn't in Hell," she told them. She noticed a lot of frowns and confused glances and she looked at the chipped nail-polish on her toenails below her. It hurt too much to look at them.

 

"What do you mean, Buff?" Xander asked, almost afraid of the answer.

 

"I said I wasn't in Hell," she repeated. "But I am now." She finally looked up. She owed them that much. But did she really? She wouldn't even be in this situation if they hadn't of done what they did.

 

"Where... where were you then?" Willow asked faintly, her bottom lip unconsciously beginning to tremble.

 

"I was in Heaven... I think. All I know is that I was at peace. I was happy. I was loved. And I was... with my mom," she choked out. "But you guys... you guys ripped me out of there. You took me away. That's why I've been so distant lately. That's why I've been so isolated and cold. And that's why I've been so alone. I've tried to cope, but it's... it's just so hard." Tears were now trailing down her pink cheeks. She wiped them away. "I'm sorry I've pushed you all away, but I can't help it. I can't help but feel betrayed. I mean, I know you didn't do it on purpose, but you didn't even attempt to find out where I was. What the consequences could have been. You were just so... you were selfish," she said, her voice barely even above a whisper.

 

Everyone was staring at her, looks of astonishment and horror written across their open-mouthed faces. Anya even had a look of shame in her eyes. No one said anything. They didn't know what to say. What was there to say? Finally, Willow was the first to speak.

 

"Oh, my god," she whispered, tears beginning to stream down her own face as well. "Buffy, I... god. I'm so sorry. We didn't... I didn't know. I..."

 

"You didn't want to know."

 

Willow nodded. "You're right. I didn't. I was so selfish and horrible and... I'm just so sorry."

 

"Me too," Xander said. "I don't even know what to say, Buff. I mean... my god. I'm so sorry."

 

Buffy couldn't help but roll her eyes. She didn't mean to, of course, but it was an insinctive reaction.

 

"Look," she began. "I know you're all sorry. But what's done is done. Sorry isn't going to fix anything. Nothing will."

 

Suddenly, Dawn stood up from her place on the couch and darted up the stairs. Tara immediately stood as well.

 

"No," Buffy said, rising to her feet. "I should probably go talk to her."

 

The rest of the gang silently stood, nodding their heads. Willow walked over to Buffy and placed her hand on her forearm.

 

"Buffy, I know you don't wanna hear this, but... I'm so sorry," she told her compassionately.

 

"I know," Buffy replied. "So am I." With that she turned and headed up the stairs, leaving her friends to let themselves out on their own.

 

* * *

 

Buffy took a deep breath and knocked quietly on Dawn's bedroom door.

 

"Dawnie?" she called out.

 

No answer. As soon as she was about to turn the doorknob to let herself in, the door swung open and Dawn stood there, her hands on her hips.

 

"What?" she questioned.

 

Buffy swallowed and smiled sincerely at her little sister.

 

"I - I just wanted to talk... to see if you were alright."

 

"I'm fine," Dawn replied, coolly.

 

A moment passed before Buffy continued, "Can I come in?" she asked.

 

It took a minute for Dawn to decide, but she finally stepped away from the door, giving Buffy access to her bedroom. Buffy smiled again and walked hesitantly into the room.

 

"What do you want?" Dawn asked, annoyedly.

 

"To talk," Buffy replied, sitting herself on the bed.

 

"Maybe I don't want to talk." She raised her eyebrow defiantly.

 

"Well, I do. So sit."

 

With a roll of her eyes, Dawn reluctantly took a seat next to Buffy on her bed.

 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Buffy explained. "It was wrong of me. I know. But... you have to try and understand what I was going through."

 

"Understand? How could I possibly understand anything if you're always shutting me out, Buffy? And besides, I had nothing to do with that resurrection spell. It was just Willow, Tara, Xander, and Anya. They didn't tell me. They didn't tell Spike or Giles either. We... I didn't know."

 

"I know, Dawnie. I'm not blaming you."

 

"But you are! You did! By telling me along with the others. You could have told me seperately. Instead you told everybody, acting like we all had a part in it. You know I never would have let them go through with that, if I knew about it."

 

Buffy paused for a moment. "Would you?"

 

Dawn looked down at her lavender sheets. "Not if I knew where you were. I - I would have made Willow research it first. To find out."

 

Buffy smiled softly and ran her small hand through Dawn's long brown locks, in that soothing gesture she always did, ever since she was little.

 

"I love you, Dawn. You know that right?"

 

"Yeah," Dawn replied, looking up at her sister with tears in her eyes.

 

"I never stopped."

 

Dawn smiled. "Neither did I."

 

Buffy smiled back and took her sister into a loving embrace. They stayed that way for a while. Just holding each other as tears silently fell. When they finally pulled apart, Dawn wiped the wetness off her face with a shaky hand.

 

"So," she said, deciding to change the subject. "You and Spike, huh?"

 

Buffy lowered her eyes, as blush rose to her cheeks. She didn't really want to get into this with her little sister.

 

"Isn't it past your bedtime?" Buffy asked, changing the subject as well.

 

"Um, Buffy. It's 8:00. I stopped going to bed at that time ten years ago."

 

"So?"

 

"So... I'm not going to bed. Besides, with all the loud kinky sex you and Spike will eventually be having, I probably wouldn't be able to fall asleep anyway."

 

Buffy's eyes grew wide. She reached over, grabbed a pillow, and whacked Dawn with it.

 

"Hey!" Dawn exclaimed, smoothing out her now static-y hair.

 

"Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it?" Buffy egged her on.

 

Dawn smiled wickedly and got up from the bed. She snatched her purple beanbag and charged at Buffy. Buffy jumped up just in time and watched as Dawn bellyflopped onto the bed.

 

"That's cheating!" Dawn cried, as Buffy burst into giggles. "You're so paying for that," she grinned. She then picked up one of her stuffed animals and tossed it in Buffy's direction. It smacked her right in the face and Dawn began to laugh hysterically. Buffy couldn't help but laugh as well, as she reached for another pillow. This was going to be a long night.

 

* * *

 

The following night, Buffy and Spike walked into the Magic Box, needle in hand. The gang sat at the big round table and shifted uncomfortably as the two entered. Buffy cringed inwardly at the past day's "walking into the Magic Box with Spike" experience. She could immediately sense the tension in the room. No one really knew what to say. About her and Spike. About where she really was. It was just a majorly awkward situation, and Buffy silently wished that she had kept her afterlife a secret. With an audible sigh, she approached her friends.

 

"Hey, guys," she said, plastering a smile on her face.

 

"Hey," Tara replied, sweetly. The others nodded and smiled back.

 

"Uh, here," Spike told them, taking the needle out of his pocket and handing it to Willow.

 

"Thanks. I'll get started on this ASAP. Can you tell me anything about the guys that tried to stick you with it?"

 

"Not so much," Buffy explained. It happened sorta fast. All I know is that he was wearing white and was carrying some needle-throwing gun thing. He looked all high-tech and stuff."

 

"Gotcha. So you want me to find out what kinda poison this is?" Willow questioned.

 

"Can you do that?"

 

"Of course. I can go get it tested right now if you'd like."

 

"That would be great. Thanks, Will."

 

"You betcha," she replied with a smile.

 

After Willow left, Buffy took her seat and Spike hopped up onto the register counter. Anya kept an eye on him, making sure he didn't take the money.

 

"So, Buff," Xander began. "How goes the slayage?"

 

"Alright, I guess. My hip's doing better."

 

"That's great," Tara told her.

 

"Oh, yeah. Nothing like being crippled while you're trying to kick some demon ass. Not a pleasant feeling."

 

The gang gave her a sympathetic smile, and went back to doing what they were doing. Tara was reading, Anya was counting - and recounting - the sales for the day, and Xander was playing solitaire. Buffy just sat there, bored out of her mind, listening to Spike as he hummed some Ramones song over and over. After about 40 minutes, Willow finally returned. Everyone looked up from their current activites and noticed Willow's solemn look.

 

"Ugh, what is it, Will? Please say it's just sugar and water," Buffy pleaded.

 

"Wish it were," her friend replied. "It's called Influoxide. An extremely rare poison usually used to quicken up the death process. It's so rare that I don't think there's been anymore than one of two cases of it."

 

"Will it kill you?" Anya asked.

 

"Oh yeah. One drop of this stuff and a person can die almost instantly. Within five seconds at the least and five minutes at the most, depending on how much you're injected with."

 

"Damn," was all Buffy muttered.

 

Spike hopped down from the counter, a worried statement on his face. "Is there a cure?" he asked, hopefully.

 

Willow shook her head sadly. "Unfortunately, nothing that I know of. If there is, only the bastards that make this stuff would know of it. I don't even think there's a spell that would work fast enough."

 

"What's it do?" Buffy asked. "I mean, how does it kill you?"

 

"It basically turns your blood into boiling water, so you literally burn up from the inside out. A very un-fun experience, I'd imagine."

 

Buffy shuttered, realizing that she was centimeters away from becoming a crispy critter, herself.

 

"Well, I guess I better go hunt these guys down," she said in exasperration.

 

"Are you crazy?" Spike asked, taking a step towards her. "You 'eard Red. One drop of this stuff and you're dead."

 

"Yeah, Buff. As much as it really kills me to say, Spike's right," Xander agreed.

 

"So what do you guys expect me to do, huh? Wait for them to climb through my window when I'm sleeping at night and stick a poisonous needle into my flesh? I don't think so," she told them.

 

"Slayer," Spike insisted. He then lowered his voice so only Buffy could hear him. "I can't lose you again."

 

"You won't," she replied. And with that, she stormed out of the shop.

 

* * *

 

"Bullshit. That's what this is. It's bullshit. Where the hell is this fucking place? Is it some big disappearing act from the great Hoo-fucking-dini? Well, abra-fucking-kadabra my ass! I so don't have time for this shit. I really don't. Eight hours! Eight fucking hours and nothing! Nothing, I say! This is bullshit."

 

Spike listened to Buffy's babbling as they walked back to his crypt. He could understand why she was upset. They had scoped the entire town of Sunnydale, and came up with absolutely nothing. He wasn't even sure if this place even existed. So after over eight hours they finally gave up. Besides, the sun was about to rise and he had to get inside.

 

"Calm down, love. You'll catch the baddies. You always do."

 

Buffy turned to Spike and decked him the nose. He howled in pain.

 

"What the bloody hell was that for?" he cried, holding his nose.

 

"For... I don't know. Just because."

 

"Well, then warning next time, pet. In case you ever decide to beat the crap out of me "just because".

 

Buffy sighed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm just... frustrated. I need to kill something."

 

Spike shrugged. "Wanna have sex?"

 

She thought about it for a moment. "Yeah, that should work."

 

"Right then. Let's go."

 

* * *

 

Buffy snuggled up against Spike's chest, after their wild lovemaking. It was nothing like the first time, besides the fact that it was just as amazing. But this time it was primal, urgent, needy. The best sex Buffy ever experienced. She sighed contentedly and smiled as she heard him purr.

 

"You're purring," she whispered.

 

"Can't 'elp it," he replied.

 

"I like it."

 

He grinned and rolled over onto his side so he could face her. He caressed her cheek with his cool hand and she leaned into his touch.

 

"You're beautiful," he told her, softly.

 

She smiled. Not one of her fake "I'm not okay, but I'll smile so you think I am" kind of smiles, but a real genuine one. The kind where your eyes light up and dimples form at the corner of your mouth. He couldn't help but smile back.

 

"Spike?" she asked, after a couple minutes passed.

 

"Hmm?"

 

"What would you do if I died again?"

 

Spike froze. Definitely not the question he was expecting.

 

"What kind of answer are you looking for?" he asked.

 

"Any kind," she replied.

 

He thought about it for a moment, before proceeding.

 

"I'd keep on living," he told her. "Or unliving rather. I'd take care of the little bit. Help out your mates... keep on loving you."

 

Buffy traced the outline of his jaw with her finger.

 

"That's the answer I was looking for," she said, before wrapping her arms tightly around him and closing her eyes.

 

* * *

 

Xander and Anya met Willow, Tara, and Dawn at Buffy's house, preparing to head out to lunch the next day. It was going to be a get together for Buffy's sake, but Buffy mysteriously didn't return the previous night. The gang suspected that she was with Spike. That, or she was dead. Which was definitely not of the good, but they decided that if she didn't return by the time they got back, they'd send out the search parties... aka, themselves.

 

When they reached the quaint little Italian restaurant, Willow brought up Buffy's 'Welcome Home' party again. Only since they'd just been informed that Buffy wasn't so happy to be back and a 'Welcome Home' party would only serve to make Buffy feel worse, Willow threw out the idea of a birthday surprise party instead. Buffy's birthday was in less than a week, and a fun friendly get-together might help brighten Buffy's mood a little bit. That was the plan anyway.

 

"I think it's a great idea," Dawn offered. "I think Buffy just needs a little push in the positive direction. I mean, the other night she was all depressed and stuff and then we had a pillow fight because I teased her about Spike, and then she was all happy and hyper."

 

"I agree," Tara said. "We can't wallow in our own misery about what we did to Buffy. We have to start thinking of ways that we can help her instead."

 

"Exactly," Willow agreed, smiling at her girlfriend. She then turned to Anya, who was rolling her eyes. "What do you think, Anya?" she asked, a hint of irritation in her voice.

 

"It'll be a disaster," she commented. "I remember back in my demon days, this one guy threw a surprise party for his ex-girlfriend. Well, little did he know she had just contacted me only hours before the party, so right when he jumped out and said surprise, a made a chandelier fall on his head. Then BAM!, party ruined. And so was the upholstery, if may add. Blood's a bitch to get out and that Persian rug had definitely seen better days," she finished, shaking her head sadly.

 

They all just stared at her.

 

"What? I'm just saying..." she defended.

 

"Thanks, Ahn, for that not only intriguing, but extremely informative tale, reliving those fond memories of you being... a vengeance demon. We'll be sure not to order any Persian rugs. Or chandeliers for that matter," Xander said, patting his girlfriend's hand.

 

Willow sighed, annoyedly. "Whatever," she said. "Nothing's gonna go wrong. I promise. It's just what Buffy's needs to get her back in the swing of things."

 

The others nodded their heads in agreement, all excluding Anya, and finished their meal before heading back to the Summers' house.

 

* * *

 

The days dragged on slowly for Buffy, in between her daily household activities and nightly slayage duties. She hadn't talked to her friends in a while. It seemed as if everytime she entered a room they'd stop talking. It hurt sometimes, but she guessed she deserved it. It's not everyday you hold a grudge against the people you love because they resurrected you.

 

Buffy sighed, as she absently twirled a stake with her fingers, while waiting for a vampire to show up. She secretly hoped that the vampire who showed up's name started with an "S" and rhymed with "Mike", but that was beside the point. She had sacred duty to concentrate on and she couldn't distort her thoughts with images of those cool lips kissing her in places that...

 

Sacred duty. Concentration. No wandering thoughts of Spike and his lips.

 

Buffy sat down on a nearby tombstone, with an aggrivated groan. What did he do to her? Well, besides those deliciously wonderful things he did with his tongue, it ran deeper than that. He made her feel things that she never thought she was capable of feeling again. It wasn't just attraction, like she had hoped it would be. And it was by far more than friendship, like it had started out. It was... well, kind of a mixture of both actually. And to tell the truth, she knew that feeling. She knew it all too well. But she wasn't going to say it. Not outloud anyway. It would jinx it. She would keep it all bottled up inside and let it fester until she went insane. Yep, that's exactly what she would do. She knew very well the consequences of admitting to... thou that shall not be named. Once she said it, something always went wrong. They would leave her, they'd go all evil. So this time around she knew what to do. Feel it, but not say it. Sounded like a legitimate plan to her.

 

She shrugged, stood up, and began to wander aimlessly through the darkened cemetery. Only then did she realize that her birthday was the following day. How could she forget? Did she hate her life that much that she refused to even remember her own birthday? She shook her head sadly, disgusted with herself, and wondered if it would serve to top her past birthday catastrophes. Losing your virginity to a vampire, only to find out the next day that he lost his soul and is intent upon killing you, your friends and family. Being betrayed by your Watcher and then stuck in a run down house with a not only evil vicious vampire, but an insane one as well. Almost killing your Watcher when he turned into a disgusting Fyarl demon, and then witnessing your sister getting knife-happy and finding out that she's not really human, but some sort of living energy blob, created to open evil hellish dimentions. Buffy almost laughed, wondering what could possibly happen this year.

 

Then again, maybe it would be a good birthday. She'd go out with her friends, spend time with her sister, eat some cake, and later bring the cake over to Spike's so he could show her the endless possibities of chocolate frosting. Or maybe the world will get sucked into Hell. Yeah, that one sounded most plausible. She sighed again.

 

"Penny for your thoughts?"

 

Buffy whipped around, stake in hand. She smiled, when she recognized the figure in front of her.

 

"Make it two and you got yourself a deal," she said with a grin. "What are you doing lurking out here, anyway?"

 

"Why the bleedin' hell does everyone always say I'm lurkin'?" Spike asked, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.

 

"Well, I can't speak for everyone, but it could be the fact that you're always lurking."

 

He rolled his eyes, taking the fag from his lips and blowing smoke into the crisp night air.

 

"Yeah, well, you're one to talk. I 'aven't seen you move from this place all sodding night."

 

"You've been spying on me?" she questioned, slightly irritated.

 

"'Course not. Fancied a stroll is all. Spotted you and figured I'd stick around in case any beasties showed up that you couldn't 'andle."

 

"I'm covered. I'm good. It's a slow night, anyway. I'll probably be heading home soon," she replied.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Want some company?" he asked, moving towards her, as if he were a cat stalking its prey.

 

"Well, Ben and Jerry might make an appearance later tonight, so I think I'm good to go."

 

Spike immediately tensed. "Who are those wankers? Sound like nancy boy names to me..."

 

"What can I say? I like 'em sweet."

 

"Pft. Whatever you say, Slayer."

 

"Oh, yeah. Sweet, creamy... chocolately," she said, waggling her eyebrows at him.

 

Spike frowned. Buffy rolled her eyes.

 

"Ice cream, Spike. Jeez, get with it."

 

"Oh," he replied. "Right."

 

Buffy noticed him sigh in relief and linked her arms around his waist. "Don't worry. You're the only vamp I..." Her voice trailed off. Damn. She had just about told him that she loved him.

 

"You what?" Spike asked, seriously.

 

"What?" she responded, playing dumb.

 

"You didn't finish your sentence. I'm the only vamp you... ?"

 

"Oh. Um, want. I was going to say want."

 

Spike lowered his eyes. "If course," he said. "I, uh, should prob'ly be headin' back. I'll see you tomorrow, Slayer." And with that, he stalked off into the night.

 

Buffy's heart ached. Why couldn't she just say it? Screw her stupid plan. Maybe things would be different this time. If she loved him - and God help her, she did - then why keep it from him? She knew that's what he desperately wanted to hear. She sighed in frustration at herself and finally made up her mind. She would tell him tomorrow. On her birthday. The world could get sucked into hell for all she cared, but nothing was going to stop her from telling the man who loved her that she loved him back.

 

* * *

 

"Hiya, birthday girl!" Willow shouted, as Buffy groaned and covered her face with her pillow.

 

"Will, it's like 6 AM," she protested, snuggling deeper into her frilly sheets.

 

"Close! It's 11."

 

Buffy finally sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "11? Damn, I slept in."

 

"Yeah, I got Dawn off to school this morning. Figured you'd want to get a few extra hours of sleepage. It is your birthday, afterall."

 

"Yay," she commented dryly, before yawning and swinging her legs over the side of the bed.

 

"That's it? 'Yay'?? Buffy! Where's your enthusiasm? You're 21 now! Besides, we've got quite the day planned for you," Willow replied, grinning from ear to ear.

 

"Aw, Will. You shouldn't have."

 

"It was nothing," she said, happily.

 

"No, I mean, you really shouldn't have. Don't you remember the Buffy Birthday Curse? Every year something goes horribly wrong and the plans are destroyed. I'm thinking I should just stay in and veg today. You and the gang can come over and we'll have a movie-fest. How's that sound?"

 

"Like you desperately need to get out. And don't worry. Nothing will go wrong, Buffy." She took her friend's hands and dragged her up and out of bed. "I promise."

 

* * *

 

Well, so far Willow had been right. Her day was fantastic. First she went out to lunch with Willow, then she went to a movie with Xander and Anya, next she went shopping with Dawn after she got home from school, and finally Tara came over and taught her a few magic tricks. One being how to contact your inner peace, which was beyond amazing. And even Giles called! That had totally made her day. Now everyone was gathered at Buffy's house, just lounging around and telling stories. She smiled to herself and thanked whoever was responsible for this perfect day. Well, almost perfect, anyway.

 

Suddenly the doorbell rang, breaking into her train of thought. She stood up from the couch and made her way to the door. When she opened it, her breath caught in her throat. Spike stood there, roses in hand, wearing black slacks and a partially unbottoned navy blue shirt. Underneath was one of his usual black t-shirts and a gold chain that hung loosely around his neck. His hair was still slightly wet and touseled and Buffy took in the scent of his musky cologne.

 

Not knowing what to say, she just stood there and gaped at him. He gave her one of his sexy half grins and handed the roses to her. "For you, love," he said.

 

Buffy took the flowers and swallowed hard. Never had she witnessed something so incredibly romantic in all of her life. "Spike... I - I don't know what to say," she muttered, still struggling for some sort of speech.

 

He just continued to smile at her. "No need for words. Just go get dressed and meet me down 'ere in a half hour."

 

"Dressed? For what?"

 

"I'm taking you out," he replied.

 

Buffy's face lit up. "I'll be right down," she told him with a smile, and then ran up the stairs, her heart racing like a giddy schoolgirl.

 

Willow approached Spike, who was still staring at the staircase Buffy had just darted up. "Thanks for taking Buffy out," she told him with a smile.

 

"Yeah, well, I was plannin' on doin' this anyway. So don't think I'm only takin' 'er out so you sods could throw 'er a surprise party," he corrected.

 

"Shhh!" came the similtaneous sounds from each of the Scoobies.

 

"Oh, right."

 

Willow sighed. "Well, we still appreciate it."

 

Only because of his extreme good mood at the thought of have Buffy to himself all night, he smiled at Willow. "Welcome," he told her.

 

After about 20 minutes went by, Buffy finally re-emerged from down the stairs. Spike was sitting on the couch with Dawn, when she entered the living room. When he failed to notice her presence, she cleared her throat. All heads turned towards her direction, and Buffy suddenly felt self-conscious. She hadn't had that much time to prepare, so she hoped she was at least presentable.

 

As soon as he saw Buffy standing there, Spike stood up, never taking his eyes off of her. She was stunning in a fitting lavender silk dress that gracefully clung to her every curve. It had spaghetti straps and a layer of lace at the hem. She wore chunky lavender sandals and a lavender headband to match and she smelled of roses and lemons. This time, Spike was the one who was speechless.

 

"I, uh, know I'm not all fancy and stuff. Sorry about that," she told him, sheepishly. "If you want to wait a couple more minutes I could curl my hair or --"

 

"You're perfect," he said, walking towards her. Buffy gave him a refreshing smile and almost leaned up and kissed him passionately, before realizing they weren't alone. She blushed when she noticed her friends and sister gaping at them. "Guess we should prob'ly 'ead out," Spike told her, holding out his arm to her.

 

"Yeah," she replied, as she placed her hand in the crook of his arm and they headed out the door. "Thanks again, guys, for everything!" she called out over her shoulder, before closing the door behind her and making their way to Spike's DeSoto.

 

They walked to the car in silence. When they reached it, Spike opened the door for Buffy and she slipped inside. His car smelled of cigarette smoke and men's cologne, but she found the scent surprisingly refreshing. She smiled at Spike as he got into the car as well. He then reached over into the back and grabbed two wrapped packages. He handed Buffy the larger one and put the other in his duster pocket.

 

"You'll get this one later," he told her, with a grin. Then he gestured to the one in her hands. "Open it."

 

"Spike, you shouldn't have," she said, as she began to rip off the offending paper. When she lifted the lid off the box, a large grin spread across her face, making her eyes light up. In it was the exact replica of the navy blue, knee-length skirt that she had worn to the Bronze that one night. The one that Spike had ripped so she could ride the motorcycle. She played it off like it was nothing, but she adored that skirt. She couldn't believe he remembered. Unable to find the right words to express how grateful she was, she leaned over and placed a tender, lingering kiss on his lips. "Spike, I..." Love you. Just say it! "I can't thank you enough. This means the world to me."

 

"Yeah, well, I owed you it anyway."

 

"No... well, yeah. You did," she said, smiling. She leaned over and kissed him once more before sitting herself back in her seat. "So, where are we going?" Buffy asked, in anticipation, as the car finally took off down Rovello Drive.

 

"Strip joint," he said, seriously. Buffy's heart dropped.

 

"Excuse me?" she questioned, worriedly. Only when she noticed Spike's smirk, did she begin to breathe again.

 

"Lighten up, Slayer. I'm takin' you to dinner."

 

She sighed in relief. Dinner. That was nice. Romantic. Something normal couples did. She silently hoped it was Pizza Hut because she'd been having this craving for that stuffed crust thing they did. But the parking lot Spike pulled into, was anything but Pizza Hut.

 

When they parked, Spike looked over at her. "Yeah, I know you were thinkin' I was takin' you to Pizza Hut or somethin' of the sort, but I figured you'd fancy this better," he said, smiling.

 

"Pizza Hut?" she said, forcing an uncomfortable laugh. "Right. Like that idea ever crossed my mind."

 

As they approached the mansionous restaurant, Buffy hesitantly reached for Spike's hand. She was still fairly new at this whole couple thing with him. In fact, they had never really established what their relationship was. It didn't matter though. Spike would find out how she truly felt soon enough. Soon enough, meaning when she finally worked up the courage to mutter those three unspeakable words. Which she supposed could possibly be slightly later than "soon enough".

 

Spike took her hand in his and they intwined their fingers. He had never in his wildest dreams thought that his Slayer - Buffy - would be walking into a fancy restaurant, on her birthday, with him. Holding his hand. It was just unreal.

 

They walked up to the front desk, where the host asked for their last name. It took a moment for Spike to remember the name he made up, but he finally said "McAlister" and they were quickly seated. After sitting down in the plush red booth, Buffy's concentration was solely on telling Spike. She wanted to do it right. She wanted it to be perfect. Just like this night.

 

She took a deep breath and began. "Um... there's this thing..."

 

"Are you two fine young people ready to order?" the attractive man in the Armani suit asked, as he approached their table.

 

Buffy cleared her throat. "Oh, uh..."

 

"Do you need a minute, love?" Spike questioned.

 

"No, no... I'll have the stuffed shrimp with angel hair pasta," she told him. The waiter scribbled it down and focused his attention on Spike.

 

"I'll have the same," Spike said.

 

The waiter took their menus and disappeared around the corner.

 

"Now, what were you sayin'?" Spike asked a flustered Buffy.

 

"Oh. Right. It's... not important," she replied, cursing to herself.

 

Spike shrugged and took a sip of his water. A half an hour went by and their conversation consisted of everything from what their favorite band was to what they wanted out of life. Or in Spike's case, unlife. They were almost disappointed when their food arrived, accompanied with a blush wine Spike had ordered for them.

 

Never in Buffy's life had she had that kind of conversation with someone in a matter of 30 minutes. She couldn't even imagine what the rest of the evening held.

 

When they finished eating, a slow and passionate instrumental made it's way into the air, and Buffy watched as couples got up to go dance. As she glanced over at Spike, he was already out of his seat. He extended his hand to her with a knowing grin and Buffy gracefully accepted. They swayed intimately to the music, as Buffy wrapped her arms securely around his neck and Spike held her possessively around the waist. It wasn't long before Buffy placed her head gently on his shoulder and closed her eyes, letting the music and the overwhelming feel of being in Spike's arms wash over her. As Spike nuzzled her neck and took in the glorious smell of her lavender scented hair, he peppered loving kisses from her collarbone to her shoulder. He felt her shiver and smiled to himself.

 

Buffy was in Heaven again. No, this was better than Heaven, if that was even possible. She decided that it was the perfect time to tell him how much he really meant to her. How much she loved him.

 

"Spike," she breathed, as he continued to bathe her in soft kisses.

 

"Hmm?" he asked.

 

"I have to tell you something. It's important."

 

He glanced up at her with desire glazed eyes.

 

"Tell me," he said.

 

She swallowed deeply and took one last shaky breath.

 

"I..."

 

_CRASH!_

 

Buffy jumped ten feet, and looked around frantically to see what and who destroyed the moment. She found the source of the outburst on the orchestra stage. A man accidently dropped his trumpet. Anger seethed through Buffy, but she brushed it if. She silently wondered that maybe all these interruptions were somehow a sign, telling her that it was mistake to voice her feelings. With one last roll of her eyes, she took Spike by the hand and lead him off the dance floor.

 

"Let's go," she told him.

 

"But what was it you wanted to say?" he asked, forcing her to stop.

 

She looked into his eyes. His mysterious, hypnotic, blue eyes.

 

"It's --"

 

"Not important?" he asked, annoyedly.

 

"No, it is. It really is. But... I'll tell you later, okay? Let's just get out of here. I have other plans," she said, as a seductive smile crept up her face. Spike gave in and followed her out to his car.

 

* * *

 

"So, where are we going now?" she asked him, as they turned down an unfamiliar street. It actually didn't matter where they were headed, just as long as she was with him. She didn't want the night to end.

 

"You'll see," he replied, never taking his eyes off the road.

 

Buffy leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. When she opened them a few minutes later they were already there... wherever "there" was, anyway.

 

"Where are we?" she questioned.

 

He just smiled at her and they both exited the car. Buffy took a moment to get in touch with her surroundings. She looked around the unfamiliar territory, breathing in the smell of wild flowers and lightly dewed grass. She took a few steps forward, and felt strong arms reach around her as her foot came in contact with nothing. She gathered her courage and looked down.

 

"Jesus Christ, Spike, we're on a cliff!" she shouted, her heart racing.

 

"I know," he said, casually.

 

"Well, why?"

 

Spike sighed.

 

"I don't know, Slayer. Thought you might like it. Said you liked the quiet so I brought you 'ere. If you don't like it, we can always go back," he told her, exasperrated.

 

"No! I - I love it," she said, sincerely. She regained her footing and continued to scope out the beautiful scenery. The water below them danced with the glow from the flickering stars. As she backed away from the cliff, she noticed the gorgeous wild flowers layering the rich green grass. Behind them was a mile long forest, covered in overbearing trees. She squinted her eyes, trying to make out a slight movement, but it was far too dark. She then turned back to Spike who was staring out over the edge of the cliff, his duster billowing behind him. She approached him, wrapped her arms around his torso and rested her head against his back. "Thank you," she told him, softly. "For making this the best birthday ever."

 

Spike turned around and gazed into her wild green orbs. He wrapped his arms around her as well and leaned his head down, finding the luscious, sweet taste of her lips. They stayed that way for what seemed like hours. Tasting each other. Feeling each other. Loving each other. Buffy finally pulled away, taking in mouthfuls of the much-needed oxygen. But not even oxygen could compare to the way Spike's mouth fit perfectly with hers. The way his tongue traced tiny circles upon the roof of her mouth. The way his body felt pressed up intimately against hers. The way he absently ran his fingers through her tangled hair. The way his eyes danced with passion when she pulled back from their kiss. Nothing could compare. She loved everything about him. He bent down slightly and rested his forehead against hers. She closed her eyes, as the sensations of his mere presence overwhelmed her.

 

"God, I love you..." she whispered.

 

It took a moment for Spike to process her confession, before he whipped his head up and his eyes grew wide.

 

"What did you say?" He was almost afraid to ask, fearing he might have mistaken her words.

 

Buffy gave him a genuine smile and raised her hands to his face, gently rubbing his cheeks with the pads of her thumbs.

 

"I love you, Spike. So much," she repeated, never taking her eyes from his. The intensity of the moment was literally enough to make the earth tremble beneath their feet.

 

"You shouldn't say things you don't mean, Buffy," Spike warned.

 

Buffy swallowed. "I mean it. I've loved you for so long. It's what I was trying to tell you at the restaurant, but... well, you know. I actually had this whole speech planned, but it somehow got lost it the moment, along with me," she said, her eyes sparkling.

 

Spike grabbed her and held her closer to him than ever before. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, holding back his tears of joy. Buffy had just told him she loved him. It had to be the best night of his life. He continued to hold her, as he whispered words of adoration into her ear.

 

Buffy sighed, dreamily. She finally said it. It wasn't so hard, afterall. In fact, it was probably the easiest thing she ever had to do. Because she did love him. With all her heart and soul. She didn't care what anyone else thought - her friends, her sister, nobody. She loved him and she wanted to be with him. Nothing could come between them. Nothing.

 

* * *

 

It was nearly dawn, when Spike silently slipped from Buffy's embrace and began to put his clothes on. He just stared at her for a moment, as she lay there in the dew-covered grass, naked and still glistening from their previous lovemaking. He smiled to himself, as he buckled his belt and headed towards his car, out of harm's way.

 

Buffy awoke to the feel of a grass tickling her inside her ear. She swiped at it and sat up, rubbing her eyes. When she remembered exactly where she was, she reached out for Spike, but grabbed even more grass instead. Her heart started racing. _Not again... please, God, not again..._ she prayed silently. She knew this would happen. She'd tell him she loved him and then he'd leave her. All she wanted was to wake up and have the man she desperately loved laying beside her. But, that was a dream. This was reality. She always woke up alone. Holding back her tears, she sat up and searched for her clothing. When she finished dressing, she noticed the car slightly shift. Curious, she opened the door to the backseat.

 

"Bloody hell, Slayer!" Spike cried, thinking the sun was already up. He quickly ducked underneath the seat.

 

"Spike, what the hell are you doing in here?" she asked, annoyedly.

 

"What's it look like? I'm hidin' from the sun!"

 

"The sun's not up yet, genius."

 

He hesitantly peeked his head out the door.

 

"Oh, right. Well, it will be soon enough."

 

Buffy put her head down. "Of course," she said, before shutting the door and walking back towards the cliff. Spike sighed as he exited the DeSoto.

 

"What's wrong, pet," he asked, approaching her from behind.

 

She paused for a moment. "I woke up alone," she told him.

 

"And?"

 

Buffy whipped around with an 'Are you insane?' type of statement. "What do you mean, 'and'?Do you know how much that hurts me? Almost every guy I cared about enough to sleep with has ditched me. I wake up alone," she explained, then added, "Always alone."

 

"Buffy," he said, reaching his hand out to her.

 

"Don't," she told him, pulling back. "Just... please, don't."

 

He sighed again. "You know why I left, love. The sun was about to come up."

 

"And you couldn't have waken me up to tell me that? That you had to leave because of the sun? Because at least I would have woken up with you beside me."

 

"I'm sorry," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "I jus' didn't think it was all that big a deal."

 

Buffy shook her head. "Whatever. Just take me home."

 

"What... now?"

 

"No, a week from Sunday. Yes, now." She then stalked towards the car.

 

"Sodding hell..." he mumbled under his breath. "Buffy, stop."

 

"What? Damnit, just take me home, alright? I want to go home." She turned around again, but Spike grabbed her shoulder.

 

"I said don't touch me," she warned, wiggling her way out of his grasp.

 

"Oh, c'mon, Slayer. Is that anyway to treat the man you love?"

 

Buffy tensed. "I don't. I take it back," she lied, and immediately regretted it.

 

Spike's face fell. "What?"

 

She could feel her bottom lip start to tremble, so she quickly turned around and brushed her comment off as if it were nothing.

 

"Fuck, Buffy! You can't say somethin' like that and then jus' walk away!"

 

"Well, I said it. And I'm walking away. Deal with it," she replied, not even turning around to face him.

 

Spike growled and stalked towards her, forcing her to look at him. She was so damn difficult sometimes. Just because he had to take cover from the sun, she turns into this grade A bitch. Whenever he thought he finally figured her out, she does something completely impossible.

 

"Get your hands off me. I'm warning you, Spike," she threatened. "Now take me home."

 

"Not until you explain yourself."

 

"Then I'll walk."

 

"You'll bloody explain yourself!" he yelled, as she stormed off yet again. He jogged to catch up to her, but she broke into a run. Cursing to himself, he ran after her. Just before the forest's entrance, Spike grabbed Buffy and they both toppled to the ground. Buffy was the first to find her feet and she punched Spike hard, before he could stand himself. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip, tasting the bitter tangy blood that formed there.

 

"You want an explanation?" she said, out of breath and standing over him. "Well, here it is. I don't love you. I don't know what I was thinking last night. Call it momentary insanity, too much wine, call it whatever you like. But that's the truth. Got it?"

 

Spike covered up the hurt he was feeling with a smile. He rose himself up on his elbows and looked her straight in the eye. "You're lying," he said, assuredly.

 

Buffy refused to look at him. "No. I'm not. You just can't face the truth."

 

"Uh-huh. Right, Slayer. Go dwell in Denial land like you usually do. Build a bloody house there for all I care."

 

"I hate you."

 

"Rot."

 

She just stared at him for moment, wishing she could take it all back and forget this whole fight ever happened. He was right, she did love him. Why let a silly argument ruin the best thing in her life?She finally let her shoulders sag in defeat, giving up her facade.

 

"Spike, I --"

 

"Buffy, look out!" she heard him yell.

 

"What?" She looked in the direction of the forest, seeing a big gun being pointed in her direction. She froze. Her feet were glued to the ground. This was it.

 

Before she even had a chance to process another thought, she saw the man in white pull the trigger. She closed her eyes, waiting to feel the needle pierce through her flesh. But the only thing she felt was two strong arms wrap around her waist and tackle her to the ground. She opened her eyes.

 

"Spike, oh my god. Are you alright? We - we have to catch him!"

 

"You go," he forced out.

 

"No, both of us. Let's go! Get up!"

 

Spike swallowed hard, staring down into her deep green depths.

 

"What?" she asked. "Look, I'm sorry about before, but..." Her voice trailed off as she gazed into the pained eyes above her. "Spike, what is it?" she asked, worriedly.

 

"It's nothin'. I'll be fine. You go catch the baddies."

 

Buffy frowned and rolled him off of her. As he lay on his back, Buffy's eyes roamed over him to see what was the matter. When she focused on a large needle protruding from his side, her heart stopped. Her breath caught. Her vision blurred. Her mind spun. Her entire world collapsed around her.

 

"Spike..." she choked out. "You - you..." She couldn't even say the words. She grasped the needle in her palm and yanked it out. He didn't even flinch.

 

"I know, love. But you have to --" He started coughing. He never coughed. "You have to go. You have to go catch 'em."

 

She didn't hear a word he said. "Oh... oh, my god," she whispered, tears now freely falling down her cheeks.

 

"Buffy... go."

 

"Spike... Spike, we - we have to get you to Willow. She - she can do a s-spell. And... you'll be fine. Everything will be fine," she explained, her voice quivering.

 

"You 'eard what she said. No cure."

 

"But - but there is! There is a cure! It's - it's out there! And you didn't get infected with much... there's still a chance!"

 

"No chance, love. You know that."

 

"Stop it!" she shreiked. "There's a fucking chance!"

 

"Buffy..."

 

She leaned over him and sobbed into his chest. For the first time ever, he was warm.

 

Spike smoothed out Buffy's long blonde hair with a shaking hand. The pain was killing him, but he didn't show it. "Baby, there's something I wanted to give you. I meant to give it to you last night, but... well, 'ere." It took all of his strength for him to shrug off his duster, but he finally managed and handed her his most prized possession. "It's in the pocket," he informed her.

 

"Spike, please," she pleaded, taking the jacket and setting it down beside her. "You can't die! I won't let you."

 

"Buffy listen to me. There's not much time."

 

"Stop! Please, stop. There's still time," she cried. "You... you can't leave me." Her voice was now a mere whisper. "You promised."

 

Spike raised his hand and lightly touched her face. "I'll always be 'ere," he told her. He then lowered his hand and let it rest upon her chest, feeling her heart beat beneath it. "In 'ere."

 

Tears continued to spill down her face, as she brought his hand up to her mouth. She closed her eyes and kissed the tips of his fingers gently. "I love you," she whispered, as a lump formed in the back of her throat. "You've made me... so happy."

 

A single tear rolled down Spike's cheek. "Listen to me, Buffy," he choked out.

 

She nodded her head, as she kissed his hand again.

 

"Live," he told her. "No matter what, don't ever give up. Life is your gift now. Use it."

 

"I don't know if I can," she sobbed.

 

"Please, love. Promise me you will. You've been given a second chance, Buffy. A chance you may never get again. Make the most of it."

 

"Not without you!" She cried, squeezing his hand tighter. "I need you. I love you."

 

"And I love you. More than you'll ever know. But, please... you 'ave to promise me."

 

She finally nodded her head, slowly. "I promise," she told him.

 

He smiled up at her one last time, before his body started to go into convulsions. Buffy grabbed him and held him as tight as she could, while he shook violently in her arms. "Spike... Spike!" she cried. "No, please!"

 

"Get... away," he warned her.

 

"Oh god... Spike... please..." she was sobbing mercilessly against his chest again. "Don't go. I love you. I love you so much. Spike..."

 

Spike pulled her against him and kissed the top of her forehead. Buffy just started at him, memorzing every line in his face. Every single detail. She looked into his eyes intensely, seeing untold stories. So many stories, she wished she had let him share with her. They had spent almost their entire lives fighting each other, wasting precious moments with violence and bitter words. Oh, how she wished she could take those moments back. She wished she could go back in time and rewrite their past. But it was too late for that. It was too late for everything.

 

Everything except goodbye.

 

She leaned over him and placed a lingering kiss against his lips. "I'll never stop loving you," she promised. "Never."

 

It took every ounce of strength left to just nod his head. "I love you, Buffy," he whispered, before grabbing her by the shoulders and shoving her off of him. Buffy landed a few feet away, and lifted her head. "NO!" she screamed, as she watched his body begin to smoke and burn. That same body that had just made love to her only hours before, was now slowly being reduced to a pile of ash. It wasn't long before he went up in flames and what was left of him withered away into dust. "No," she whispered. She willed her shaking body to crawl over to the man that was formerly known as Spike. Who was formerly the man she loved with all her soul. Her trembling fingers sifted through his remains, as tears of pain and loss mingled with ash. She couldn't remember how long she sat like that, picking up the dust in her hands and letting it fall through her fingers. It wasn't until the wind picked up and carried his ashes away, that she finally stood on quaking knees and headed back home. Alone.

 

Always alone.

 

* * *

 

Before she knew it, she was already standing on her porch, her hand on the doorknob. She didn't remember anything between the time she left the pasture and arrived back at her house. It was all a blur. She realized that Spike stood on this very porch the previous night, holding a boquet of roses for her. Everything had been perfect. He had given her the best birthday, just by being with her. And now he was gone and she would never see him again. Never hear the way he affectionately called her love. Never see the way his eyes lit up when she told him she loved him. Never smell that all too familiar combination of cigarettes and leather. Never feel the sensation of his soft blonde hair between her fingers. Never taste the coolness of his lips against hers. Never again. It wasn't right that he be taken away from her so quickly. Just like that. In the blink of an eye. All in a whisper.

 

She choked back a sob, before turning the doorknob and entering her home. She stopped suddenly when she noticed her friends all sleeping. Willow was on the stairs, Tara was in a chair, Xander and Anya were on the couch, and Dawn was on the floor. She frowned and flipped on the light switch. As soon as the room illuminated with artificial light, the sleeping Scoobies all groggily awoke from their slumber.

 

"Surprise!" Anya was the first to shout. When everyone else noticed Buffy standing there, they all exclaimed "surprise" as well. Buffy tried to smile, but she just couldn't will herself to do it.

 

Dawn stood up from her place on the floor and stretched. "Where were ya, Buffy? We waited up all night for you. And where's Spike? We got him a personalized balloon and everything," she explained with a yawn, pointing to all seven balloons, each with one of their names on it.

 

Buffy's bottom lip trembled, as she stood there. She tried to speak, but if she opened her mouth, she knew only a sob would come out. Her eyes were already beginning to water.

 

Willow noticed Buffy's reaction to the mention of the vampire's name and immediately became curious. She stepped down the stairs, meeting Buffy at the doorway. "Buffy... where is Spike?" she asked. Buffy averted her eyes to the ground.

 

"I - I can't," she choked out. "Excuse me." She attempted to run up the stairs, but Willow blocked her path.

 

"Not until you tell us what's wrong," she said, worriedly.

 

With tear streaks etched upon her face, she turned to face her friends and sister. "There's... there's something you guys should know," she began.

 

"What is it, Buffy," Dawn demanded, praying Buffy didn't say what she thought she might say.

 

Buffy took a deep breath. "Spike's dead," she told them.

 

"Well, that's nothing knew," Xander replied.

 

"Xander," Buffy admonished. "You know what I mean. He's dead... really dead."

 

Silence pierced her ears.

 

"Oh, Buffy," Willow said. "I'm so sorry." She placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

 

"You - you're lying," Dawn insisted. "He's not gone. He - he's not."

 

Buffy's eyes watered. She should have known her little sister would take the news pretty hard.

 

"I wouldn't lie about something like this, Dawnie. It was those needle guys. Spike and I were fighting... and - and he said 'Buffy, look out' and I looked and... and I couldn't move. My feet were glued to the ground. A-and then I felt Spike tackle me and I noticed, he... he got shot. He died... saving my life." Buffy slowly raised her hand to her mouth, her eyes wide with unshed tears. "He's really gone," she whispered. "God, he's really gone..."

 

Dawn suddenly broke down into tears and rushed over to her sister, wrapping her arms around her. They cried together for what seemed like years, before the rest of her friends came over and comforted them as well.

 

"I'm sorry, Buff," Xander said, trying to console her. "I know how much he meant to you, I --"

 

"No, you don't," Buffy interrupted. "I loved him.... so much."

 

The gang seemed a little shocked by her confession, but knew this was no time to get on her about loving a vampire. Especially one that was now a pile of dust.

 

"Is there anything w-we can do?" Tara asked.

 

Buffy shook her head. "No... thanks. I - I think I want to be alone," she told them.

 

"Of course you do," Willow said. They all backed up, giving Buffy some space. She turned form her friends and began to walk up the stairs.

 

_It must have been love_

_But it's over now..._

 

She entered her room, not bothering to turn on the light. She walked over to her window, planning to block out the sun, but the she realized... the sun never came up that day. With a sad sigh, she approached her vaccant bed, placing her head on the cool pillow.

 

_Lay a whisper_

_On my pillow_

_Leave the winter_

_On the ground..._

 

When she reached for her blanket, it was then that she realized she was still wearing Spike's duster. She brought the worn leather to her face and took a deep breath, taking in his overpowering scent. She then remembered her gift. With a trembling hand, she sifted through the pocket's belongings. She pulled out a pack a cigarettes, his keys... a wallet. Deciding she'd look through it later, she set the contents on the nightstand next to her bed. She then began to rummage through the other pocket and her hand came in contact with a small box. She removed it and read the package aloud. "To Buffy," it said.

 

_I wake up lonely_

_There's air of silence_

_In the bedroom_

_And all around..._

 

With a heavy heart and tear-filled eyes, she opened it. Inside was a small black box. Lifting the lid, she saw a note, with a ring underneath. Her breath stopping in her throat, she took the ring out, looking it over. It was small and silver with tiny diamonds circling it's edges. When she looked closer, there was faint engraving on the inside. It said, "With all my love - Spike". It took all of Buffy's willpower not to burst into tears right then and there.

 

_Touch me now_

_I close my eyes_

_And dream away..._

 

She placed the ring on her finger. It fit perfectly. She brought the silver band to her lips, kissing it lightly and letting a single tear roll down her cheek.

 

_It must have been love_

_But it's over now_

_It must of been good_

_But I lost it somehow..._

 

She then focused her attention and the note that accompanied the ring. Gathering her courage, she opened the white sheet of paper and read it's contents silently to herself:

 

_My dearest Buffy,_

 

_Well, happy birthday, love. And a bloody happy birthday it'll be, too. You can count on it. I was talking to the Nibblet a few days ago and she was telling me how each year some catastrophic type thing happens. Well, it's going to be different this year, I can promise you that. I'll do everything in my power, even if I have to die doing it, to give you a birthday you'll never forget. And since you'll probably be reading this at the end of the day, I just wanted to let you know in case I forgot... I had a really good time. And I hope you liked the ring, since I'm guessing you saw it already. And if you didn't, oh well. I got you ring. Remember that one time you were hanging out at my crypt and you kept complaining about how small your fingers were? You said that whenever someone got you a ring it was always too big and would keep falling off. Well, I remembered that when I picked out your size. I hope it fits._

 

_Bloody hell. I've really turned into a sodding nancy boy, haven't I? I can see you right now, sitting on your bed as you read this, rolling your eyes. That, or you're probably on your way out the door ready to kick my ass for no paticular reason... or "just because" like you said the other night. If that's the case, then I'll be here. Waiting. Always waiting. For you. 'Cause truth is, no matter if you come over for some wild sex or just to beat the crap out of me, I'll always be here. I'm not going anywhere. And neither are you, so chin up. Stop living just to live, and start living because you want to. I can see you rolling your eyes again, but hear me out anyway. It might be strange coming from someone who's dead, but I want you to make the most out of life. Promise me that no matter what happens, you'll keep on living. Never give up, Buffy. It's not like you and you know it._

 

_So to end this sodding sappy letter, just remember that I'll never leave you. I promise. I love you more than anything, and nothing you say or do will ever make me go. You can kick my ass from here to England for all I care, but I'll find my way back to you. Always. And someday I hope you can find it in your heart to love me back. So until then, you know where to find me._

 

_Happy birthday,_

 

_Spike_

 

 

_It must have been love_

_But it's over now_

_From the moment we touched_

_'Til the time had run out..._

 

Buffy cried. She cried and cried, until she didn't think she had anymore tears left. But even then, they kept coming. She kept crying.

 

_Make-believing_

_We're together_

_That I'm sheltered_

_By your heart..._

 

Her heart broke all over again, as flashbacks from that morning filled her mind. If only she had done something differently. Moved faster. Hell, moved at all. Taken the needle out quicker... then maybe she could have gotten him to Willow in time. She should have done something. Anything. She now knew how Spike felt on that fateful day of her death. He was racked with guilt over the fact that he couldn't save her. Well, the truth was, he did save her. Every time she was with him, he saved her just a little more. If only she could have saved him.

 

_But in and outside_

_I turn to water_

_Like a tear drop_

_In your palm..._

 

She wrapped his duster tighter around herself, pretending that it was him that she was all wrapped up in.

 

_And it's a hard_

_Winter's day_

_I dream away..._

 

She closed her eyes, forcing herself to think of the good times instead of the bad. Her mind recalled the day when she first saw him after she was brought back. She decended the stairs, and never took her eyes away from his. The shock, the doubt, and overwhelming love that rested there. In his eyes.

 

_It must have been love_

_But it's over now_

_It was all that I wanted_

_Now I'm living without..._

 

She would never forget that moment or any other. She would never forget him. Buffy sighed a content sigh, and wiped the tears from off her face. She wouldn't cry anymore. And she wouldn't give up. She would live. Live for him.

 

_It's where the water flows_

_It's where the wind blows..._

 

A smile graced her lips for the first time that day. A smile that she never thought she smile again. The kind that was solely reserved for Spike and how happy he made her. But he was still there. She could still feel him all around her, within her. He promised her he'd never leave her, and he didn't lie. He'd always be there. If not in person, then in memory. In all those wonderful memories that she'd cherish forever. He was there.

 

Maybe she wasn't so alone afterall.

 

 

The End


End file.
